Lizz Winstead

Bad Newz Clinics

Philadelphia Eagle Michael Vick must be wondering what he did wrong. Well, let me rephrase that, since l’m sure the football star knows exactly what he did wrong. In 2007, it came to light that Vick had been staging dog fights and then drowning, electrocuting or beating the losing pooches to death. This was not a mere pastime for Vick. He created a business called “Bad Newz Kennels” that made money off the torture and death of its animals. Once these facts were known,  society made the impropriety of his conduct clear. So, what I should have said, is that Vick must be wondering why these revelations cost him his job and his freedom, when Daily Show co-creator Lizz Winstead has faced little in the way of criticism.

Lizz Winstead
Lizz Winstead

Recently, Winstead has embarked on a stand-up comedy tour in support of an organization that brutally kills unwanted dogs. Typically, smaller animals are first sliced with a bladed instrument and are then suctioned piece-by-piece through a tube. In the case of larger dogs, the canines are dismembered with a pair of forceps, which involves grabbing and twisting the animal’s limbs until they come off.

Given that both Vick’s organization and Winstead’s have brought dogs to a gruesome end, why would the two individuals be treated so differently? Is it because Vick is an athlete and Winstead a comic? Well, there is another difference I should probably mention: the group that Winstead supports, Planned Parenthood, doesn’t really kill unwanted dogs. It kills unwanted children, something Planned Parenthood refers to on its website as ensuring “fetal demise.” If the unwanted child was conceived within the past sixteen weeks, a technique known as vacuum aspiration is typically used, and it’s analogous to the slicing and sucking described above. After the sixteen week mark, dilation and evacuation abortions are the norm. This is the procedure in which the fetus is dismembered with a pair of forceps. Interestingly, none of these details are explicitly laid out on Planned Parenthood’s website. No mention is made of the diminutive hands or feet that must be removed–“tissue” is their noun of choice.

Perhaps herein lies the crucial difference between the victims of Planned Parenthood and those of Bad Newz Kennels: whereas we’ve all seen dogs and can easily imagine what their mistreatment would look like, the technical aspects of abortion have remained relatively obscure. Obscure also is the nature of the fetus, partly due to the Supreme Court and its holdings.

Justice Blackmun
Justice Blackmun

The 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution reads (in part), ‘nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.’ Therefore, if the fetus is considered to be a person, then he or she is entitled to the same legal protections as anyone else. Justice Blackmun admitted as much when writing the majority opinion of Roe v. Wade: “…the fetus’ right to life would then be guaranteed specifically by the Amendment.”

Given the recent advances in medical technology, it has become more and more apparent that the fetus has traits consistent with those that one would expect to see in a person. A fetal heat beat is now detectable six weeks after conception and brain waves are also evident in the first trimester. None of this has mattered however; in Roe, the majority decided that a fetus is not a person, and this assessment has never been repudiated. As a result, a pre-born child occupies the bizarre role of human non-person: he or she has clear attributes of humanity, but none of the legal protections that come with it.

Incremental efforts are being made to change this situation, particularly at the state level. States like Nebraska, Alabama, Idaho, Indiana, Minnesota, Oklahoma, Missouri, and others have passed or are considering legislation that addresses the issue of fetal pain. Some, like Nebraska, have implemented a ban on abortions after 20 weeks. Others, like Minnesota, require that a woman be made aware of the potential for her child to suffer during an abortion. These efforts have come in the wake of new research on fetal pain, such as that carried out by Dr. Kanwaljeet Anand, a professor at the University of Tennessee.

While the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has maintained that fetuses do not experience suffering, Dr. Anand contends that the evidence does not support this position–at least after 20 weeks of gestation. His sentiments are echoed by Dr. Jean Wright, an anesthesiologist who has testified before Congress. According to her, “An unborn fetus after 20 weeks of gestation has all the prerequisite anatomy, physiology, hormones, neurotransmitters, and electrical current to close the loop and create the conditions needed to perceive pain.” Neurologist Dr. Thomas Sullivan goes even farther, claiming that a fetus may experience pain at just 13 weeks. Although a long way from securing the full rights of personhood for the fetus, laws that recognize some of abortion’s cruelty are a step in the right direction. Indeed, at this stage, merely granting pre-born children the same protection we extend to terriers would be a major improvement.

Here is one more difference that sets Planned Parenthood apart from Bad Newz Kennels. Unlike Michael Vick’s dog-fighting ring, Planned Parenthood helps women survive difficult, harrowing situations, like the one that Winstead herself once faced. When confronted with an unplanned pregnancy, Winstead had the option of carrying her baby and then giving him or her up for adoption. As she explains in her stand-up routine, this was not a realistic choice, since she was “popular” and “had pom-poms.”  So, to avoid the catastrophic possibility of missing out on the cheer-leading season, Lizz Winstead elected instead to have Planned Parenthood dispose of her 2-month old fetus.

As we ponder th–Huh? Oh no, I’m not kidding–she actually says all of this in her comedy act. Seriously, check out the video: the abortion was necessary to keep her ‘popular’ and using ‘pom-poms.”  This, apparently, is why Planned Parenthood’s activities must remain not only legal, but federally subsidized to the tune of over three hundred million dollars a year. Had Michael Vick only acted with such heroism, his fate would have no doubt been different.

  • Loserhero1982

    I agree but please correct the grammatical errors

  • Spoiledredjeeps

    so you are vegan?

  • jp

    Do you remember before Roe vs. Wade at all?  Back alley abortions were pretty gruesome also. 

    • Booger

      They weren’t evenalive then

    • Anonymous

      Do you even know what the phrase “back alley abortions” refers to? It refers to the fact that those seeking out abortions had to enter the doctors office or hospital from the back alley so as not to be seen by the authorities, and keep the abortion off the record. The abortions were not literally done in the back alley, but were done in physicians’ offices.  The day after Roe v. Wade was decided, those same doctors put up signs saying, “Abortions done here”. In other word, abortions after Roe v. Wade did not get any safer, as they were done by the same people, just done legally.

      • Anti-ignorance

        This is astoundingly inaccurate. Doctors were not performing abortions. And countless number of women were harmed by having illegal abortions done in unsanitary and unsafe manners. Ever see the symbol of the hanger used in conjunction with abortion? There is a reason why.

    • Steffie770

      Anybody stupid enough to do this gruesome act you speak of deserves whatever they get anyway.

  • SmarterThanYou

    What a psycho! How about contributing to society rather than polluting it with garbage like this?

  • Condemnedbyfire

    haha this is awful.. bad analogy, bad article, bad all around.

    • Hope to the hopeless

      Why don’t you use some logic instead of just repeating bad over and over. It looks intellectually weak.

  • Boogers

    This website is nothing but lies. Tax money is never spent on abortions. Why don’t u little kids get a lemonade stand together. Let the adults deal with the worlds problems.

    • Anonymous

      Actually, our tax money does go to abortions, through Medicare and Medicaid, and through government donations to Planned Parenthood.

      While the government donations don’t go directly to abortion, it does free up money in their other account for abortions. They have one account for government funding, which is everything except abortions, and one account for the rest of their funding, which is everything plus abortion. When they are given money by the government, that’s less money from the second account that has to go to everything else, freeing up money to be spent on abortion.

    • Hope to the hopeless

      Boogers, STOP lying to people. That is a sick thing to do if intentional.

      FACT: State Report Shows 33% of Minnesota Abortions Paid for by Taxpayers

    • BeccaTheVegan

      It is true. My friend’s mother had an abortion, payed for by the state of Minnesota approx. 4 months ago. If you don’t like what you’re hearing, don’t listen? Just a suggestion. Why waste your time here and come on. Unless your like to be just plain mean, I understand that people get satisfaction and kicks from it. Just like some people get kicks out of kicking puppies.

  • Spoiledredjeeps

    E-A-G-L-E-S Eagles!

  • Abortion is legal. Animal cruelty is not. I know that is hard for you to accept, but it is the fact of the matter. You can attempt to make abortion illegal, but that will NOT stop abortions. The best way to reduce abortions is to clearly support taking care of all the babies already living, no matter what you think of their mother. Until you so that, you really should say nothing.

    • Anonymous

      Why do you think pro-lifers run pregnancy resource centers? PRCs don’t just take care of the mothers and babies before birth, but continue to help them after birth. 

      Abortion IS animal cruelty. Humans are part of the kingdom animalia. According to Louis Pasteur’s Law of Biogenesis, humans can only beget other humans. Abortion tears living beings apart. The scientific definition of life is: 

      “The property or quality
      that distinguishes living organisms from dead organisms and inanimate
      matter, manifested in functions such as metabolism, growth,
      reproduction, and response to stimuli or adaptation to the
      environment originating from
      within the organism.”
      The unborn metabolize nutrients, grow, their cells reproduce, they react to stimuli, and they adapt to their environment. In other words, they’re living. In other words, abortion kills a living human being, a living animal. From a scientific standpoint, that makes it equivalent to animal cruelty.

    • Hope to the hopeless

      Whether abortion is legal or not does not change how right or wrong it is. If murdering born humans was legal, that would not make it any more morally justifiable.

    • Guest

      “We should never forget that everything Adolf Hitler did in Germany was ‘legal'” – Martin Luther King Jr.

  • Don’t let the comments from the pro abortion fringe get you down. Keep standing up for Life

  • Anonymous

    According to this “logic” the US Army is full of murderers, too. Apparently context and motivation don’t matter. They pull triggers, people die. Abortion providers give abortions, fetuses die. If either is murder both are.

    • Anonymous

      There is a HUGE difference!

      Abortion kills an innocent human being who did nothing. The parents are the ones who had sex and created the child. The child is not there by choice. She or he is ripped apart because of the actions of others!

      The US Army defends the country from those who actually seek to harm the US and others!

      One is murder, the other is defense. Yes, it is wrong to kill another human being. However, defense against violence is justifiable. Murder of an innocent who did nothing wrong is not justifiable. Please get your proverbial glasses fixed.

      • Anonymous

        And you make my point for me. Thank you. The article makes the comparison that killing dogs is the same as killing fetuses. I argue that it is not. Intent matters. Context matters. And most importantly, the target matters. Killing potential humans at 1 day, when they are, what 2 cells? Women’s bodies do that regularly without help, notice or mourning. Killing the same potential at 9 months, moments before birth? Awful, please don’t. It’s simply not the same, and it’s foolish to argue that it is.

        • Anonymous

          Women don’t know that they’re pregnant at one day. They often don’t know until about six weeks, when the baby is well developed. The baby has a heartbeat and all appendages, and most of her or his organs. It’s at seven weeks when the the baby is done with initial development, and just needs time to grow, so she or he is strong enough to survive on the outside.

          And if you say that the brain is not developed, the brain doesn’t finish developing until a person is in their 20s, which is why the drinking age is 21.

          • Mylifemybody

            The drinking age is 21 because that’s when a person’s brain stops developing? What the heck crazy, misinformed kind of logic is that? The brain continues to develop well into a person’s 20’s. The concept that a person becomes a full adult at age 21 dates back centuries in English common law; 21 was the age at which a person could, among other things, vote and become a knight. Since a person was an official adult at age 21, it seemed to make sense that they could drink then, too. We ended up with a national minimum age of 21 because of the National Minimum Drinking Age Act of 1984. This law basically told states that they had to enact a minimum drinking age of 21 or lose up to ten percent of their federal highway funding. As for the military, they have killed HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of INNOCENT people over time, so you have no point there. If you don’t like abortion, don’t get one and go about your business. Just mind your own damn business and keep your religion off my body.

      • Roguetshirt

        I can think of a lot of families in Afghanistan who would disagree with your statement about the U.S. Army defending the country from those who seek to do harm to Americans.

  • guest

    A man can never speak for a woman on this matter. If you were at the comedy act, you’d know that Lizz not only had absolutely no one to turn to during this process, but she also was a teenage girl in high school at the time, and correct me if I’m wrong (WOMEN), but is that not exactly what goes through you’re mind at that age: the fear of others’ opinions? Her shear honesty is what makes her a strong and successful person. With the pressure society puts on women today, it’s a blessing that she was intelligent enough to seek professional, medical help instead of doing something more harmful and life-threatening to herself. How can you judge someone for making such a decision at that age, let alone compare her to a cold-hearted GROWN man that found enjoyment through the killing of animals. Michael Vick is only apologetic because he was caught in the act, whereas Lizz Winstead may be apologetic her entire life, yet appreciative of the opportunities Planned Parenthood opened up for her. There is no way anyone can say that she found enjoyment through that. How can we honestly know that from a comedy act? There is a reason why it is called such.  

  • Guest

    You’re an idiot.

  • Religion vs human rights

    It is not life. At the first stages it is no more than a cyst. A living thing has thoughts and memories. In today’s world I’d rather have a cyst removed then bring up a child so it can someday suffer at the hands of you sick bigots. Conversations like this make me wish I had been aborted.

  • Dpchurch

    Evoking images of your reader’s pet dog being brutally maimed and killed for barbaric amusement and profit, then equating those dogs to unborn early term fetuses was very shrewd.

    The dubious analogy would be far less sympathetic if you had chosen to illustrate it with other animals: mice and rats being killed in rodent traps, or snakes and lizards used for target practice. No more or less valid than your dog analogy but far less objectional, perhaps even justifiable, to many people.

  • Tim

    I think anyone who criticizes abortion and the people who support its availability as a legal option sh0uld put their money where their mouth is and instead of terrorizing women who are already in a downward emotional spiral from dealing with a very difficult decision they should offer to personally adopt the soon-to-be-child with absolutely no strings attached.  After all you do actually care about the kids and aren’t just being hypocritical overly-judgmental busybodies, right?

  • Anonymous

    OH..B S

  • Anonymous

    In some religions, abortion is NOT murder.   In some religions it is.  That’s why in the United States it is as important to have freedom FROM religion as it is to have freedom to practice one’s faith.

    Planned Parenthood primarily helps young mothers.  Less than 5% of what they do is provide abortion services.   That is not a crime.  It is within the law.

    If you’re opposed to abortion, ask any woman you impregnate not to have an abortion.  As for any other women, stay out of their bedrooms and their doctor’s offices, please. 

    Your mother did not have an abortion when she was pregnant with you.  Be thankful for that. 

  • Meg

    People should do what they want to their own bodies

  • davelavack

    this decision is best kept between a woman, her doctor and her God.  Don’t like abortion?  Don’t have one.  Think our government should make laws based on ones religious beliefs?  Read the constitution.  Mind your own business and quit attacking someone who does more for society than your shamefully misleading dribble has…

  • Who is the ass that wrote this bullshit? This whole article is a great big lie. 

  • Liz Instead

    I love Lizz Winstead. She’s hilarious.

  • Financesusane

    Unbelievable. It is astounding that while there is radical inequality of females rampant in this country, you choose to focus instead on the choice that Lizz had to make at the young age of 16. What 16-year-old young lady in this country doesn’t consider popularity and extracurricular activities important? Fetuses don’t have rights because they are part of their mother’s bodies. They do not get rights unless their mother decides that they should take their first breath. That is the way it is and the way I believe it should be. Why don’t you focus on trying to improve the plight of single female heads of households to get child support from deadbeat parents? Maybe if the choice of living in abject poverty was not a given, more women would choose to give birth and raise their children. BTW, I suppose you are anti-contraception too? Blah, blah, blah.

  • Goaway1976

    Equating Michael Vick’s savage dog fighting business to the largest provider of health care for women in the country is mind-numbingly stupid, irresponsible, and unbelievably offensive.
    Saying that Vick’s organization- a venture that profits from the the sick glee of those who enjoy torturing animals – is even remotely comparable to a non-profit organization staffed largely by volunteers, whose mission is to aid women in obtaining reproductive health care shows how frightfully ignorant and sexist you are. If you took one moment to actually visit a Planned Parenthood or even view their website you would see that abortion is but a fraction of the services offered, and that most of the services offered are vital and preventative. But to do so would force you to face facts which fly in the face of your pre-determined, misogynistic world view.
    No one (even the most pro-choice among us) wants there to be more abortions. Unfortunately, judging from some of the comments below, there are those
    who prefer to hide their heads in the sand, and who, in their
    single-minded determination to restrict all abortion (even those deemed
    medically necessary), have only succeeded in closing and de-funding Planned Parenthood, and keeping women from
    receiving affordable health care.

  • What kind of crap is this? Why attack a gifted comedian? What the heck is wrong with you? Why is everyone white on this website? OHHH!!! You’re Republicans. Are you forcing religion down our throats, too? Yes, you are.  If you don’t like abortions, don’t have one. If you don’t like gay marriage, don’t marry a gay person. Oh, and bite me.

  • Liz’s MUA

    Since the author is so concerned with the pain of things that are going to die anyway, I hope he is vegan and doesn’t eat the flesh of any type of living thing that suffered needlessly to provide the self righteous & self important types with a cheeseburger.  A fetus at 16 weeks is not viable outside of the womb.

    Abortion is legal. It is a medical procedure.  And none of these anti abortion folk are anywhere to be found when these unwanted children are born and there is no money for food or diapers, no medical coverage, and no help from the community to help young mothers further educate themselves to provide a better life for their little burdens, I mean bundles.

    Sex ed and access to birth control are what are necessary to help prevent abortions, not “god” not legislation, and certainly not “slut shaming” women for having sex.  

    • notsoignorant

      No, actually you can find them complaining about Food stamps, early childhood education, welfare, and paying too many taxes. Their against big government until it suits them to be for government. ARggg

  • bumfug

    Written by tards, for tards.

  • wrmcnich

    such a tragedy that you are so warped. get a life and do something worthwhile with it.

  • Beth

    Wow you don’t know Lizz at all! She is do brave to stand up against murderous people who target and kill doctors only because they believe that being a parent who is ready (or plans to be one) is really best!