Hi, My Name Is Kristen, And I’m Abstinent

In case you hadn’t noticed, this is going to be an intensely personal blog post.

I’ll just kick it off with the juicy stuff so you don’t have to wait around: I haven’t had sexual intercourse in almost four years. Now, this is not to say I haven’t done anything I wouldn’t do if Jesus were in the room. I am not perfect. But for the past three and a half years, in the ball park of my love life, there have been no home runs.

I admit I am not a virgin. I am also not sexually repressed. I am not, like the virgin adult character on “Glee,” a frigid obsessive-compulsive with serious psychological problems. I am also not, as far as I know, completely repulsive, although if there’s one thing I’ve learned from observing the world around me, it’s that if you are female, it doesn’t matter what you look like; somebody thinks you are juuuust fine, and that somebody probably has an ad on Craigslist right now.

I simply made a choice, for ethical, moral, and religious reasons, not to engage in baby-making activities, and I have stuck to that decision for well over three years.

You are probably asking yourself, “Self, why on earth is she telling me this?”

Good question. I have thought about writing this post for a couple years. I always held back. It is an intensely personal subject, obviously, and a natural squeamishness about sharing something so intimate with the world at large is part of the reason why it took me so long to publish this.

Then there is the fact that I am in a relationship with someone, and revealing this tidbit about me incidentally reveals things about him. Fortunately, I have learned he “couldn’t care less.” (His words.)

Finally, I decided to go for it. You see, the more I think and write and learn about abortion, the more convinced I am that the key to curtailing it is to make people understand that it doesn’t exist in a vacuum. As long as people are having sex despite the fact that they have no interest in or desire for procreation, there are going to be abortions. And yes, this takes into account contraception. There is no fool-proof method of birth control besides abstinence.

I personally believe that the best way for a child to come into the world is being born to two people who are married — that is, committed to one another in the eyes of God and man. Therefore, I decided, to paraphrase Mahatma Gandhi, that I was going to be the change I wished to see in the world. I was going to put my money where my mouth was and stop engaging in baby-making activities until I was in the situation I felt was best for baby-having activities.

“It’s religion!” some of you are screaming at your monitors, flecks of spittle flying. “It’s an arbitrary misogynistic rule of your stupid backwards dumb antiquated oppressive patriarchal religion!”

First of all: calm down. Second: kind of. I mean, it’s both. Moral law is based on natural law. The reason God gave us all these pesky rules is because they’re good for us. When people follow the basic tenets of Judeo-Christian sexual morality, they lead better lives. They lead lives of loving responsibility in which they react to positive pregnancy tests with tears of joy, hugs, and excited phone calls, as opposed to panic-barfing and fear-sweat.

I know this because I’ve lived the other life. I was never what you’d call promiscuous, but nor was I what you’d call sexually moral. Because of my willingness to give of myself completely to men who weren’t willing to give me the same, I lived a life of heartbreak and confusion. Finally, about four years ago, I noticed that every time I gave my heart away, I wasn’t getting it all back. Every go-round, there seemed to be less and less of my heart to give. I was becoming less open, more guarded, even bitter. I could feel a wall growing around my heart, and it was thick and it was high.

I knew that one day, God willing, I was going to have a husband. Did I want him to end up with the leftovers, the dregs? Did I want him to have to mount a high wall to get to my heart?

Meanwhile, I was quite simply losing my self-respect.

I decided then that I was done with that life. But the personal, emotional factors were only part of my decision.

I am not the world’s most responsible person. Ask the people to whom I owe medical bills. (And while you’re at it, tell them the check’s in the mail.) I forget to floss. I am 300 miles overdue for an oil change. I don’t know my exact bank balance right now. You get the idea.

But even I, the girl who once went a whole year without washing her car, can decide to live in the way I encourage others to live. It’s only fair. I rant at you people day in and day out about how irresponsible it is to engage in non-procreative sex. What kind of a hypocrite would I be if I did it myself?

So, even though my crisis pregnancy days are long behind me, I practice what I preach. I’m 32, I’m in a loving relationship with a stable, responsible man in his 40s, and if I were to get pregnant we would be excited and happy. But! We personally believe having babies should be the exclusive privilege of married people, so we make sure we do not even inadvertently make a baby.

I want you, whoever you are, to see and to know that it is possible to make a moral decision, even in these times. Everything you see and look at and read and hear is going to tell you that it is abnormal and/or impossible for a healthy, red-blooded man or woman to abstain from having sexual intercourse. They are wrong. I am healthy, and last time I checked my blood was red.

Don’t submit to what Chesterton called “the degrading slavery of being a child of [ones] age.” Make your own decisions. Don’t buy the giant lie that if you stop having sex your unmentionables are going to shrivel and drop off from disuse. And don’t believe them when they tell you you’re weird, frigid, sick, or backwards. Even as they accuse you of leading a deprived live, they are a prisoner to their impulses, inviting in unplanned pregnancy, STDs, abortion, heartbreak, loss of self-respect, and more.

I walked away from all that, and I couldn’t be happier because of it. I have felt my heart heal, and I know that the next time I give myself to someone, it will be on my wedding night, to someone I trust, who has given himself to me in turn.

Furthermore, I know that when I do have a baby, it will be in the best possible circumstances, so that I can give that child the best possible life. I owe that to myself and my family.

What I want you to take away from this is not “Oooh, look how awesome Kristen is.” Quite the opposite. I am an ordinary woman with ordinary feelings. What you should take away from this is something like, “Even Kristen can do it. So… I guess so can I.”

Of course the hard part of being abstinent is it means whoever you’re with has to be abstinent, too. But the hard part becomes the easy part with a simple realization. You see, at some point, if you’re lucky, you realize: If the person I am with says he is in love with me, but won’t wait for me, that person is lying. Plain and simple.

I had to ask myself: Do I want to be with someone who will only be with me if I sleep with him? Is that love?

For me, the answer was no. And no.

So what’s your answer?

_____________________________________________

Kristen Walker is blah blah de blah and she blah blah and also blah. Follow her if you dare.

  • Miss Olive

    I’m in the same boat as you, and I’m now dating a man who respects my decision. Thanks for posting this!

  • Arual

    So good to hear! I’m one of the (probably) few high-schoolers savin’ herself for marriage. People can say I’m crazy, but while they’ll have their heart broken and 20 abortions before getting married to a person they’ll get divorced from in a few years, I’m going to wait until the right time (marriage) to give myself wholly to someone else. I wish more people could see the joy in waiting. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/jeep.obsessed Brooke Mehr

      I would “like” this so many times if I could! Good for you!!! It’s worth it, trust me!

    • rebekkah

      Hey- I totally remember being in HS (10 years ago!) feeling like “everyone is doing it.” The percentage might be high, but if even a minority on every campus is NOT immoral, that adds up to a lot of people who believe God and are glad for Christ’s salvation. Stand firm in Christ. He’s worth it. :)

  • Martha

    Kristen:  Just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your posts. When I first saw your picture, I thought you were too young and too “cool looking” to have anything substantive to say (I know, terrible, right?). Your posts are smart, funny, and pointed. Reading your back story, it also puts a face (literally, with your pic right there) on all the pro-choicers we (at least I) are quick to demonize. You give us all so much hope for the future. Keep writing… you’re brilliant!

  • http://twitter.com/MarauderTheSN Marauder

    “Glee’s” disrespectful attitude towards the idea of adults NOT having sex was part of why I quit watching the show. Apparently promiscuity is cool, but abstinence is for freaks. Seriously, how hard would it have been for them to portray not having sex as a valid personal choice?

    I’m getting married in June, and this post makes me really thankful that my fiance and I  started dating when we were sixteen and seventeen (respectively). We’ve been through challenges – like the four years I spent going to college halfway across the country from him – but we’ve really grown a lot as individuals and as a couple, and it’s wonderful beyond words to always have him as a constant in my life. (I have various and assorted problems, but apparently God decided to spare me the modern dating scene.) We haven’t had intercourse; we’re both strongly pro-life and were not about to risk becoming parents when we were unemployed and still in school. 

    Has it been frustrating at times? Definitely. We’ve joked throughout the years that sometimes we wish God would descend from the heavens and tell us, “THOU SHALT NOT CONCEIVE,” so we could just go right ahead with that worry off our minds. If I could go back, though, I wouldn’t change anything. It’s only been this year that I feel I’ve become mature enough to be someone’s mom, and placing a kid for adoption would break my heart. I’ve had to worry about grades, psychiatric medications, anxiety and the bar exam, but I haven’t had to worry about what would happen if a pregnancy test came back positive.

    It seems to me like a lot of the time, sex that people have outside of committed relationships isn’t terribly good sex. There’s a part in “Clueless” where the main character, explaining why she hasn’t had sex, says, “You know how picky I am about my shoes, and they only go on my feet.” I think a lot of people need to be pickier. Where’s the fun in having sex with someone who you don’t know well enough to relax and communicate with? Where’s the fun in having sex with someone you might subsequently learn is shallow, a jerk, boring, or just simply not worth your time?

    Long and rambling post here…

    • Kristen

      I stopped watching Glee for the same reason. They had an episode in the second season all about sex ed. I couldn’t even finish the episode cuz they made all the ones who believed abstaining look like fruitcakes. I brushed off that ep and continued watching. Then in the 3rd season they did another sex ep. Many of the ones who were abstaining lost their virginity. They made it look like everyone is having sex and made it seem like those who didn’t were freaks. I didn’t even bother watching the ep due to comments and previews of the ep I saw. It was the straw that broke the camels back. I haven’t watched another ep of Glee since. Not worth my time.

      • http://twitter.com/PhloontManphred Phloont Manphredsing

        Happy to say I have never seen even a second of Glee. With any luck and with God’s grace, that will never change.  The only shows I watch are Breaking Bad, the Simpsons, and Grimm.

        Thanks for this great article, and congratulations for your openness and  your witness to the truth.  You are an inspiration to me and many others. God bless you, Kristen!

        • Kristen Walker

          Just for the record that Kristen above is not me, although I agree with everything she said. Glee is dead to me. God bless you, Phloont! Your name freakin rules!

  • Been There Too!

    Congratulations to you for making such a wise and beneficial choice for your future!  I did the same thing!

  • Been There Too!

    I’ve been in the same place as you before, and I want to congratulate you for making such a great choice and becoming such a great example to your peers!  I made some mistakes in my past as well, but after learning the hard way, I chose to make the same choice you did: Abstinence until marriage is the ONLY way to go!  I spent 3 years after that choice waiting for “Mr Right”.  And when he came into my life, it would have ruined everything to act on our passions too early.  We did wait – nothing beyond kissing – and our wedding night was the most precious and amazing night of my life.  We are now coming up on our five year anniversary and our marriage is a solid as a rock.  We are still very much in love and very happy together; its not going anywhere, ever.  We have two sweet children and are excited to have another on the way.  I just love what you wrote about being HAPPY for positive pregnancy tests because its so true!  There has never been a moments fear of bringing children into the world with the man I love and will love forever.  The comparison between that and the fear I used to experience every month around period-time is astronomically different.  

    Do what is right for you life! Make good choices, and you will reap GREAT rewards in the long run just for doing something that goes by rather quickly when it’s all said and done.  A little bit of self control goes a LONG way.

  • Oldmanbob

    42 years ago my wife and I fell in love (and are still falling in love), it took a whole 6 weeks to get engaged and another 6 months to tie the knot.  We both knew that we would wait and wait we did.  The trust we built up in the 7 months between our 1st date and our wedding along with our Love of Jesus,was and is the base of our love.  We don’t have sex we make love and there is a huge differance, think about it.

    As a man I will say it takes a real man to wait.  Gals, if he won’t wait don’t walk out RUN!

    Kristen, you have made a good choice, stay with it.

  • Mrs. JVR

    Thank you for writing this! You are not alone, merely one of the few who make the hardest/smartest choice in life. I am 33 years old and did not have sex until my wedding night LAST YEAR–yep, I waited 32 years for my husband, and I’m glad every day that I did! Our honeymoon will always remain one of my most precious memories.

    Also,I love what you said about not having to fear each month as Aunt Flo’s visit nears. We had a positive test after being married almost 2 months (condom broke, oops;-) and the initial reaction was slight panic due to timing, but followed almost immediately by joy and excitement for this blessing from God! Our little girl is due in about 4 weeks and we couldn’t be more delighted!

    I so wish that more couples could feel that happiness instead of terror at getting such wonderful news! If only our society would place a higher value on purity and turn once more to see children as the blessings they truly are!

  • Sophia

    Thanks for writing this! I’m a 21-year old virgin, and as a senior at college, I find it hard to sometimes not cave into the peer pressure of drunken hook-ups and the like, but goodness knows I’m trying. Thanks for reassuring me I’m not alone and that I can do this!

    • Jobin Thomas

      That’s commendable. If it helps, know that there are 27year old male counterparts out there doing the same as you. Keep up and continue on the good path. God bless!

      • Applejack

         And 27 y/o females.  We all need to start a club or something for moral support.

    • Anna

       Sophia–remind yourself every day that there are awesome guys like Jobin everywhere.  And pray for your future husband.  When friends question why I, at 22, am still a virgin, I remind myself that if I don’t want my future husband and father of my children to be hooking up with random girls–he surely will not want that for me either:) Our society needs to remember how to love-not lust.  Thank you, Kristin for your courage and for starting this conversation.  We have all made mistakes or “gone too far”–but there’s hope and strength in God, and we owe it to ourselves to live the best life we can!!

    • Phil Anderson

      Keep going and please read my comment above your post to Kristen 

    • Heychick

      Sophia, my husband and I are 30 years old and we were married two years ago. We have both had prior relationships, but chose to wait and then met years later and still to this day say “thank you for waiting for me”. And we had opportunties and temptations in college, but still chose to say “no”. I can’t TELL you how good that feels after you’re married. It’s wonderful. You CAN wait. TRUST YOURSELF!!!!

  • Jobin Thomas

    Quote: “Kristen Walker is blah blah de blah and she blah blah and also blah. Follow her if you dare”

    That made me LOL! 
     
    Great article. And even though you said, not to think “Look how cool Kristen is”, that is exactly what I think. You are very cool indeed.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=716081497 Paula Mendez

    Kristen,
    thank you, brilliant article. It is possible and it is fulfilling becuase I lived it. Once you get married, its great. You have so much to look forward to, it will be worth it, it will be great!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QF76UVILSNFXSMSUWGUPTQKDWA AK Kennel

    You’re 32?????
    (great article btw)

  • olaler

    It think it’s because of the lack of scriptural values that American society has adopted a “secular religion”, hung-up in academic elitism and conformist thought patterns. For instance, there is disdain for large age or height or weight differences in marriage. Most people laugh at a short man and a tall woman marrying ( physical and sexist? ). When I tell children they shouldn’t kiss until the preacher says, “You may now kiss the bride”, they think I’m crazy. I tell them kissing is a part of the sex act ( that’s why men don’t kiss men on the lips ) and leads to pregnancy. People are still being brainwashed by “Population Bomb” adherents (pro-abortion?) at colleges, even though we’ve improved since the 1970s. Even in the 70s, the USA could feed the world- it’s the governments that use food to control their people.  Truth makes us free.

  • Jessica

    There is no shared “Judeo-Christian sexual morality,” as you suggest. Jewish law dating back to the 4th century CE, still practiced by Orthodox Jews, permits any contraception that does not interfere with the sperm’s ability to reach the egg, which today means that oral contraceptives are entirely permissible. Jewish law also permits abortion in a wide range of cases, including when giving birth would pose a physical, emotional, or even financial burden to the mother. These laws have been debated over the course of centuries and have been upheld in Jewish communities of all denominations worldwide, including in the state of Israel. The concept of “Judeo-Christian” values, on the other hand, only came into existence after World War II, when Jews and Christians fought together against the Axis Powers and found they shared many – but not all – religious and moral values. Know your history! It’s really just Christians who take such views toward abortion, not Jews as well.

  • http://lerheims.blogspot.com/ Bridget

    Great post, Kristin!  Made me shed a few tears reading the truths you were so brave as to write.  I was a virgin on my wedding day.  My husband and I had been dating for over three years at that point.  It was a gift and a blessing to know that we were giving ourselves, wholly, to each other.  This is not to say that it was an easy 3 years, but it was well worth the wait.  We have now been married for 7 years and have 5 children.  We did not wait until everything was perfect (there is no perfect time to have a child) but we waited until we were both “gainfully” employed and could support ourselves.  Just remember for yourself, though, that waiting to marry does not guarantee child-making perfection.  Even if you wait until you are “in the best possible circumstances, so that [you] can give that child the best possible life”,  you may end up, like my husband and, unexpectedly unemployed with 5 little mouths to feed.  If you are like us, you will still be elated when that next pregnancy test comes up positive, and like us, you would mourn the loss of that baby if you lost him or her ( http://lerheims.blogspot.com/2011/12/all-the-time-god-is-good.html ).  What I am saying here is, if you are in love with that man, don’t wait til the timing is perfect to marry. There is no perfect time, and even if it’s starts out perfectly, things can change.  Babies are always a blessing.

  • davenisbet87

    Like anyone else, I have lust issues, but I want to keep myself for my future wife. Laugh at me if you want to but that’s who I am and I’m sticking to it.

    • Rodrigo

      I’m in your same situation as you, just don’t let yourself down and remember God is there to help us.

    • Ruth

      The right woman would never laugh at you.

  • Penelope36

    I am a 31yr old woman who has been abstinent for 17 months, but choice. I have a similar story, and the longer I go without giving myself away, the happier I am. :) 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1411472517 Karen Lynema

    Well stated! Shared as well as there are MANY teens that can benefit from your insight. Love the part about the heart and not getting it all back. I often told my youth group kids that there was not a condom big enough to protect their heart. Thanks for sharing your heart. Hope people read and consider!  :)

  • asmith

    “…They react to positive pregnancy tests with tears of joy, hugs, and
    excited phone calls, as opposed to panic-barfing and fear-sweat.”

    Ha ha ha. 

    I am proudly pro life, was abstinent until marriage, and am now in a beautiful marriage in which we just celebrated three years on Tuesday.  And I also loved your article.  Except for the above comment.  I think along with increased abstinence, people need to respect that conceiving a child is HUGE, even in the confines of marriage.  That being said, sometimes for a plethora of reasons, NFP doesn’t work and you end up conceiving at a time when you were trying to wait.  This comment is slightly amusing to me, because I think if you talk to any mother, their reaction is sometimes sweat, fear, and vomiting.  This is not because we don’t want the child.  It’s because we suddenly become acutely aware of the immense responsibility placed in our womb.  With my first daughter, we were not practicing NFP.  We had no reason to.  I knew the potentiality was there for a honeymoon baby.  I was excited about the prospect…until that second pink line appeared.  Then, for a few minutes, I was scared out of my mind. I eventually get excited, but that sometimes has come moments later and sometimes weeks later.  

  • Beckymikel2412

    I lived the sexually permissive life for 13 years before becoming Catholic, then lived 2 years chastely. I just married 3 weeks ago, and I can tell you that dating chastely was soooooo worth it!!!! Thanks for your beautiful and brave writing!

  • guest

     Kristen, I never thought I’d say this, as I am passionately pro-choice, but I completely agree with you. I wish more women would make this choice. Waiting anxiously every month to see if your period comes is a crappy way to live. And men who don’t respect the choice can just get over themselves.

  • Oedipa

    “We personally believe having babies should be the exclusive privilege of married people.”

    I’ll ignore the “privilege” language (seems too parochial) and say society at large would be better off if they followed your lead on that. But when you go on to say …

    “I know that when I do have a baby, it will be in the best possible circumstances, so that I can give that child the best possible life. I owe that to myself and my family.”

    … it makes me wish you had the empathy to grant all women the right to plan the best possible circumstances for their pregnancies, even if they’re not following your prescription of abstinence.

    • Djushi

       Apart from rape victims, those other women do have that right. Once the baby is created, you can’t erase him or time-travel her to a better time. S/he is here! And killing him/her should not be an option. Not creating him/her was an option, but once baby’s made, baby’s here to stay.

  • Mara

    Dear Kristen Walker’s Boyfriend:

    Marry that woman.

    • Kristen

      Totally sending him that. :-) Thank you.

  • Kjmullen98

    My husband & I waited thru 7 years of dating, because I never wanted to put myself, or my children in that position. We were far from perfect, but God has blessed us so much! We’ve been married 14 years & have 4 children. God will honor your choice! And any guy that’s willing to wait for you really proves his worth!

  • Tony

    This took guts. Respect for that. And respect for what you’ve written here, and what you’re trying to do.

    Keep fighting the good fight. :)

  • http://twitter.com/shernajwine Sherene Harizavi

    This is an amazing article. I wish I had had the courage to make such a stand in my past. I am married now and have had only 4 sexual partners in my life, two of whom I was married too, so it’s not like I’m some crazy sex driven maniac. But I look back on the other two people I was intimate with and wish I had been smarter. I wish I had waited with my husband until we were married. I am going to give my children this advice but I can’t tell them that it’s something I was able to do and I regret that. Single women of all ages need to read this. I am sharing!!

  • candy

    Great article, and one that should encourage ALL readers (both male and female).  We need to learn to believe and trust in our companion, and know them for their moral values as well.
    candy

  • http://conservativewerewolf.wordpress.com/ Conservative Werewolf

    “if there’s one thing I’ve learned from observing the world around me,
    it’s that if you are female, it doesn’t matter what you look like;
    somebody thinks you are juuuust fine, and that somebody probably has an
    ad on Craigslist right now.”

    LOL, you are hilarious! 

  • Charlotte

    This is great. I’m a mere 16-year-old-virgin, but I look forward to marriage as a virgin. My reasons for being a virgin are both moral and mental. I believe that one should only have sex with your spouse (so that it is truly ‘making love’), I am absolutely terrified of contracting an STD that would either kill me or make it impossible for me to have kids, and I don’t want a kid right now. Add it all up, and the answer is to remain a virgin ’till marriage.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1063841335 NurseMidwife Nancy

    You go girl!

  • Jenbranson
  • http://www.facebook/committo619 Jenbranson

    I made a facebook to encourage those who are waiting.  I also made a commitment card for people to sign. 

  • Jenbranson
  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sarah-Silcox-Martin/1460419094 Sarah Silcox Martin

    I love you Kristen. I love everything you write. I find myself fist pumping the air repeatedly whenever I read your words. Keep preaching it with that lovable spunk of yours. Our generation and the ones after us are changing things for the better.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sarah-Silcox-Martin/1460419094 Sarah Silcox Martin

      And btw, I’ve only ever had sex with my husband. And despite what Planned Parenthood says, it makes for great intimacy in marriage. No fear of disease (he was a virgin too) no images running through our minds of us having sex with other people. Abstinence takes a lot of self-control but it is worth it when you finally give yourself freely to your spouse.

  • Phil Anderson

    Brave article Kristen!  Well done that must have taken courage to share yourself like that but I must say I was raised devout RC and my father and the church put that simple revelation of abstinence in me and although it caused me problems I did manage to be a virgin until my marriage age 31 and now, 6 VERY HAPPY children later I can TRUTHFULLY SAY that WAITING IS THE BEST POLICY and the marriage that God has blessed me with is truly of a dimension, I believe, for me personally, that has that something very ‘extra special’ EVERY DAY because I WAITED all those years for it!!!  I hope that encourages someone out there!!!

  • Seblomstrom

    I simply LOVE this.  Kristen, your story is my story (as all the girls say to you, I am sure).  But what I love it that you wrote it for all the world to read!  Can’t wait to pass this on to all my rocking’ abstinent friends.  All 1 of them.  

  • Mae

    I made the same decision 13 years ago.  I decided that the person God chose for me wouldn’t have a problem with it.  I’m still waiting.

  • Mauna

    Nicely written Kristen.  The great thing about hardships is we learn from them and are able to understand others and make better decisions for ourselves and teach and encourage others.  Thanks for sharing and Blessings on your new relationship. 

  • Jill

    YES!! yes yes yes!! thank you for painting the whole picture. sex and contraception only means MORE abortions and more heartbreak. you’re super awesome in an ordinary/inspiring way.

  • BigMamaAJ

    Glad to know I am not the only 30 something out there that has made this decision. It’s been over 7 years for me. Some people just don’t understand, it’s a choice. A choice that made me a happier, better person. Thank you for posting this.

  • J.M.

    When I was first getting to know my (now) husband, he was in complete shock that I had never even been kissed…let alone that I was still a virgin (23 at the time of that conversation).  I explained to him that if I save myself for one person, then I won’t ever have to compare anybody or feel like I’m missing out on anything.  If I don’t know what to expect I can’t be disappointed.  Later on he told me he was sorry he had not saved himself only for me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sarah-Jirak/1419466845 Sarah Jirak

    Yeh!!!!! God bless you in your commitment!  A REAL choice!  It is people like you who will ‘be the change’!  Thank you so much for your courage!
     

  • meirai

    Before I respond to this post, so everyone knows where I’m
    coming from: I am a politically moderate atheist. Technically a virgin, I
    suppose (at 21) – I’ve never even kissed a girl, much less gone any farther
    than that. I don’t know if anyone actually cares to know that, but I suppose it
    might be useful to mention it.

     

    With that out of the way, to the post’s author: Good for
    you. I can, at the very least, respect someone who has decided what they
    believe to be the best choice for them and is willing to pursue it
    unreservedly. That strength of conviction is indeed impressive, and you are
    quite correct in defending it to anyone who claims to know your circumstances and ideals better than you yourself do.

     

    So, then, my response to the end of the post, which
    challenges others to make the same decision: How well do you expect that
    challenge to work? Do you think everyone has the same experience with
    premarital sex that you yourself did? I can assure you, from reading many
    anecdotes on various feminist blogs, that many people who choose to be sexually
    active are not slaves to their impulses, nor are they guarded, bitter, and
    cold. They are open, loving, and honest about what they want and are willing to
    give. They are aware of their responsibilities and willing to make tough
    decisions about parenting and pregnancy with plenty of thought given to all points
    of view, including the one that holds that abortion is never a truly good
    choice.

     

    Certainly, not all promiscuous people are like that; many
    are negligent and impulsive. However, the existence of such people does not
    prove it impossible to live a life that is both responsible and sexually
    active.

     

    What it boils down to, for me, is a disagreement with your
    assertion that God’s laws and proper morality match up exactly. I have no
    objection to your using those rules in your own life, but I also believe there
    are other routes, besides religion, to a moral life. Many of those theories
    lead to ideas which are more or less the same as those proposed by your
    religion, although they do not rely on God to provide the force behind them.
    Those are the rules many of these sexually active, pro-choice feminists live by
    – and as I’ve already stated, I believe you are incorrect in your argument that
    their lives are reduced for it, at least in the ways you’ve stated.

     

    So I have one more response – technically request – for you,
    and for those that agree with you: Will you allow me, and those I agree with,
    to make our decisions, as you have made yours?

    • Oedipa

      Nice post, meirai. But you’ve brought texture and detail and subtlety. Not allowed. Only broad brushes allowed.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sara-E-James/170101031 Sara E. James

    Thanks, Kristen. I’m 32 and doing the same. Waiting for my future husband who will, I hope, also have chosen to wait. It’s not as hard or as rare as television makes it look.

  • Bannwalk14

    Abstinence is freedom.:)

  • hogeboom9

    Love this girl! Proud of you for writing, and thrilled to stand beside you!

  • Denial

    It was “No” until I got married.  I was younger than you when  I made the decision but it was hard and sometimes I failed, sadly.  It is a respect you need to have for yourself.  A man needs to write this for young men becaus the work is letting them that if they a women say ‘no’ and you love them then wait for them and find someone else on the side.  I know this is another nontruth for so many but I think that is what many girls worry about.  Where is he going when he leaves here?  Thanks you for writting this it really is a message for all to read!!

  • Andrea

    Thank you. God bless you. 

  • hunter norton

    My answer is, ” NO, and NO!” (: God bless

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Scott-N-Linda-Pauline/1316122353 Scott N Linda Pauline

    God bless you, Kristen, for your courage and valiant pursuit of chastity.  Are you are person of faith?

  • nowmarried

    That’s great! My now-husband and I decided to stop being intimate before we married. 2 weeks later. Surprise! Found out I was pregnant. We were already living together, but, he slept on the couch and even though I was already pregnant, we remained abstinent til our wedding night.

  • Megan

    You guys, it’s okay to have sex. Sex is as natural as breathing. Insects have sex, fish have sex, birds have sex, mammals have sex. You’re not any less of a person because you had sex. I lost my virginity when I was seventeen years old. I’m not less of a woman because of it. It was a really nice experience. I’m nineteen now and I still really enjoy having sex. It’s okay to like it!

  • JT

    23 year old virgin here, engaged to an amazing man. We are anxiously awaiting our wedding and the end of our celibacy. It can be done! Good for you and thanks for writing this. Couldn’t have said it better myself! All of the high schoolers posting on here, stand your ground. One day, you will be so incredibly happy that you did. Stay strong in The Lord