How I Ended Up Inside a “Pro-Choice” Rally and What I Learned
By , Published February 21st, 2012

In the summer of 2006 I needed an internship in order to graduate from college. I had partied away through the first two and a half years of college until one day I realized that I might be left behind by my girlfriend and then working a job that I hated. So, I anxiously ripped out 80 credits in two years. I was finally in position to graduate; only thing left is the internship. I was so excited to finish school. I had the proud feeling of “I did it” deep within me.

So, I had an inside scoop within state government and submitted my application to the governor’s office hoping to obtain the prestigious internship. On paper it was a “non-political” internship and I would be working everyday as a public civil servant instead of having political affiliation with the governor whose political views I did not share. So that is what I told myself.

I was very sensitive to my position being a “non-partisan position” due to the fact that I did not agree with the governor’s stance on abortion. I wanted the internship and “on paper” I had nothing to do with any such political agenda of the governor’s so I was all set and I was hired as the intern.

Life was great as I was on schedule to finally graduate and move on to an exciting chapter in my life.

One day during the internship all young student-interns were asked to go down the road and join a rally – sounded very exciting. News, all kinds of media, standing around next to the governor – wow, what a portfolio builder!

As I get there, I see picket lines of people screaming with passion towards a fiery crowd. It was all coming together – this was a pro-choice rally supporting abortion.

I was overcome with the “you’re in a place you shouldn’t be” feeling and my chest pulsated as I started to walk up towards the crowd. I could feel a thick coat of judgment and resentment from not only the picketers looking at me but also me being disappointed in myself.

I told myself, “this is a great perspective for me. I am adding credibility to my stance as a pro-lifer going ‘behind enemy lines.”

Deep down I knew that I was just telling myself that so I could avoid being brave and also add comfort to the horrendous situation I found myself in. “Here you go, hold on to this sign” a voice said to me. “No thanks” I responded. And that was as bold as I had gotten that day. That was the extent of my bravery.

Join the pro-lifers in a heroic demonstration? Nope. Forget about the internship and follow what I believe right then and there and not care about the repercussions of doing so? Nope – I stood like a statue telling myself I am “gaining perspective.”

I didn’t need any more perspective at the time. I didn’t need to witness a politician slamming her fists on a podium yelling about how a woman should have the right to choose abortion. The only perspective I obtained that day was how weak I was as a person and failed to stand up for what I believe in.

I had one agenda – disregard my personal beliefs and what I think is right if that means obtaining the things I want in life. I left the rally with deep regret.

I will never forget being on the “other side” of that rally and walking past the pro-lifers. My entire body wanted to lounge to them and embrace their passion with love and support and join them – but instead I did nothing. And to this day I don’t do enough.

The guilt I feel when I think about that day is grueling. I try to use that day as an example of how I get caught up with what I want instead of listening to God and how I turn away from what is good in order for my own pursuits.

Within two years of that rally the speaking politician used governing authority to veto a ban on partial birth abortion. When I heard about the ban being vetoed my mind instantaneously took me back to that day once again and the guilt was overwhelming. The repressed memory was back only now my association of support wasn’t just limited to something at a somewhat secluded rally but rather it was now a matter of public policy. I felt terrible.
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  • Tamara

    you thats murder! your killin an innocent child! THERE IS ALWAYS ADOPTION! i understand if its medicial and is a NEED as in tubial pregnancy! but just because your scared of responsiblity. There is people who can’t have children why not give them the wonderful blessing of having a family when they thought it never would be possilbe.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ShastaMcLaughlin Shasta McLaughlin

    Most of life is about balance and although they ignore some very basic facts most pro-choicers are also fighting to protect some very good things for instance the rights of a woman to decide for herself (which is a basic freedom).  Many people who are pro-choice are fighting for access to basic healthcare for women.

    So what I am saying is that you are beating yourself up for nothing. On this day you grew stronger and you did gain some perspective.

    Remember that as you fight for life and it might give you the inspiration and knowledge you need to go forward and approach pro-choicers with the courage, dignity and compassion that is needed to change their hearts.

    • Jessandbryan421

      Deciding for herself to end another life is NOT a basic freedom! It is illegal to kill a baby after it is outside the womb…..why should it be ok to kill the same baby inside the womb? It is still the same baby!

      • Badgarden

         I’m sorry, but I don’t read that in Shasta’s message. Why are you condemning her for something she didn’t say? She never said basic health coverage for women included abortion.

    • Badgarden

       Shasta, it is a shame that a person who is fighting just for basic health coverage for women have to go behind the “Pro Choice” campaign. We need people like you and Justin to educate them that the Pro Life group is campaigning for the same rights for women, with the exception of abortion is not health care. Unfortunately, too many Pro Life people don’t understand this.

      • SuperLogic

        If I understand what you are saying, I would have to respectfully disagree with you.   I would argue that Pro-Life groups are just as concerned, if not more so then Pro-Abortion groups regarding basic health coverage for women.  PP, the largest abortion chain in the US, which as an example falsely claims to do mammograms, does not.  They refer them to other health care providers.   I would dispute what you say, and suggest that most Pro ABORTION people don’t understand this.

    • galileesea

      This may be true, but those women who are fighting to
      “protect” women’s rights and basic healthcare need not call
      themselves “pro-choice” to do so, if they claim not believe in
      abortion.  They cannot even claim to be neutral which means “it is
      the woman’s choice to make, not mine”. There is no neutrality in life and
      death, especially of the baby in the womb. By the way fetus in Latin means
      “little one” and in Greek the life in the womb means
      “child”!  “Pro-choice” is a term for women who approve
      of abortion as a woman’s right to destroy her own child, if she so
      chooses.  Women who want to protect the rights of  women to make
      decisions for themselves (other than the freedom to destroy their own child’s
      life) and acquire basic healthcare (which by the way is already FREELY
      available for anyone who cannot afford it) need not be “pro-choice”
      to do so! She must first value the life of that woman and where her life
      began.  If you are saying these women are not aware that they are
      approving and supporting abortion by aligning themselves with
      “pro-choice” women to accomplish these two goals, I find that
      highly improbable given the public and political discourse and debate on the
      abortion topic today.  Women deceived into believing abortion is a
      woman’s’ right I can understand, but not a woman who aligns herself with a
      pro-abortion group for the reasons mentioned other than abortion. A woman’s
      freedom is exercised when she chooses to have sex. Once she becomes pregnant
      she is then, in REALITY, a mother and is to live out the choice she exercised
      in freedom as a woman. She is now obligated to the freedom and preservation of
      the life that has been created within her.  We know from conception this is life-for we do
      not destroy something so that it dies, if it is not already living! (I am
      referring to those who willingly chose to have sex. Those who did not still do
      not have the moral freedom to destroy a life created in them, but are also obligated
      to protect that life entrusted to them if even to deliver it to another who
      would exercise her freedom of choice to become it’s mother and to raise it.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=45904183 John Michael McGuire

    That is a really tough position to be in. Before I found myself discerning into the Seminary to study for the priesthood I found myself trying to find my way. I had always thought that I would be involved with politics. Though I was at the time a pretty active Republican, I still could see that the pro-life position took away certain opportunities for me. I got to the point were I applied to be a field operative for the College Republican National Committee, an individual who would help coordinate college aged Republicans to form up and organize. 

    During the application process I got to the interview stage. I was asked what issue I was most passionate about. I answered Life and Family Values, the interviewer asked me a follow up, “If you were working with a candidate that didn’t share your views how would you respond?” Everything in me said, “play it cool, tell them what they want to hear.” I knew they wanted me to say that I would keep quiet, that I would do my best to get the candidate elected because the Republican cause was most important. 

    The thing is, the position and the party are not more important than the issues. My response was, “I would work with the candidate, help with the campaign, and if the topic ever came up I would try and convince them, show them why I believe what I do, and hope they come around.” The interview ended, and I never heard back, they had selected someone else. If that is why I didn’t get the position doesn’t matter, I found my way, I survived, but even in places were you would expect support for your convictions it isn’t always the case, and in politics there is a price to pay for strong values. 

    God Bless and thank you for sharing your experience. How many of us have found ourselves in positions where our own convictions put our livelihood or personal goals in jeopardy. What a shame that is how the world works.  

  • Smking

    I was a Proud Union Worker thinking the only political party was the Democratic, I was also a Christian, at least in word. In 1980 I was so convicted by my internal feelings about the unborn and I realized although it didn’t affect me directly it affected the culture all around me. I cast my vote For Ronald Reagan that year because of one issue his opposition to abortion. I am now in my sixties and I still vote against abortions before any other issue, because of the love of Christ that those that are killing babies dont full comprehend.

  • michelle

    wow. i’ll be honest. when i read the title of this post i though that it would be something entirely different. i thought that maybe you would have actually listened to what they were saying, heard their arguments, tried to have conversations with some of the people there so that you could have understood what motivates them and what their thought process is. please don’t get me wrong. i am absolutely 100% pro-life and i know that EVERY human life is precious, valuable, and should be loved and respected. i think that this includes the unborn, the elderly, the disabled, and all those healthy middle-aged people that we don’t agree with. 
    i’m not trying to bash your post. but i would really like to see liveaction put out a post about what the majority of pro-choice people are thinking. they aren’t heartless villains that want to kill babies for the fun of it. and i would love to see a pro-life post that focuses on how hating pro-choice people goes directly against what it means to really be pro-life. i’m not saying agree with them, give in to moral relativism, or anything like that. but try to understand them. approach this whole issue with love for every human involved. 

    i loved hearing lila rose come speak at liberty university. i’m studying to be a nurse and i want to have an impact as a pro-life presence in the healthcare field. i think you all are doing really great things. thanks for all you do! :)

    • Oedipa

      ^^ this.

    • SuperLogic

       I can agree with your post.  I thought it would be an entirely different article, describing what was going on behind the scenes, and the thought process.   The thing that really disturbs me though, is when I meet other “believers” who I can’t imagine how they could be Pro-Abortion, are.  I was just in a conversation with one.  I don’t know exactly what her religious leanings are, but she attends church sometimes.   She describes herself as Libertarian.   I guess I can somewhat understand how atheists could support Abortion, since only what exists here on earth matters, but when some believers also support “choice” (abortion), I find that incredibly disturbing, and it frustrates me.

      Good luck to you Michelle, hope you can make a huge difference in your field!

    • JM

      Michelle – thank you very much for reading the blog. I did take in a lot of the comments and discussions from the rally it was just nothing I hadn’t heard before. The politician yelled that we must “keep the government out of the bedroom” and “we must preserve a woman’s right to choose” – those were a few of the remarks that still echo in my head to this day. Within two years of that rally the speaking politician vetoed a ban on partial birth abortions and I have to look back and think about how I was standing on “her side” on that day which makes me cringe and that is what the blog is about.  

    • Harry

      There was nothing in the article bashing pro choice people. The person that wrote this went to a pro choice rally, realized that he shouldve done more and has improved as a person because of it. I think it is a very interesting post.

    • Rachel Ford

       It’s much easier to hate your opponents and anyone who disagrees with you, though, if they’re the monster in the closet than a human being who disagrees with you on something. It’s easier to indoctrinate people when they hate their intellectual opponent.

    • bbqueen

      The thing is, you go to one of these rallies and you hear the same thing. You don’t sit around and share stories and bond. What did you expect. 

      The insight that I gained about this issue, is that many people at the protests may be less than “pro-choice.” There may be interns or students that are coerced to stand there and hold a sign, not because they are passionate about a woman’s right to choose, but because someone in power over them is. 

      I can’t imagine a pro life governor sending their interns to a pro-life rally, without some serious fallout. 

    • Sonnys_Mom

      I suggest you read Mark Levin’s book, Ameritopia, which contains a chapter summarizing Karl Marx’s vision.  The Communist Manifesto was published in 1848.  Yes:  in 1848.  In the Communist Manifesto, Marx openly and defiantly stated that the goal of the Communist state is to attack and abolish the traditional family.  No surprise, Marx refused to work for a living, his own family lived in desperate poverty, and several of his own children simply died of starvation.

      Since then, there have been many “progressive” and “socialist” movements, many of which claim to be “non-communist” yet incorporate Marx’s collectivist values in some form or other.  Radical feminism is only one such derivative movement.

      Far-Left ideology is all over the news and media outlets on a daily basis, pressing home the message that traditional values count for nothing.  These people derive their identity from their identification with the anti-life message, believing the power to choose to end preborn life is the ultimate human destiny.

       ”Listen to them, hear them, try to have conversations?” As we have seen from videos of the “Occupy” movement and anti-Proposition 8 rallies, these demonstrations are attended by angry people. 

      With very few exceptions, hard Leftists and radical feminists do not listen to those who value the life of the unborn child. They consider us prehistoric and primitive, and think that their own views– including support for killing the infant if the abortion procedure “fails” to end its life– to be “enlightened” and “the way forward”. 

      The majority of abortion supporters are deeply convinced that their “freedom of choice” (especially the choice to end the life of the unborn child) is more sacred than life itself.  In spite of the fears that so many on the pro-abortion side have, when we take a stand it is not primarily in order to “convert” them, but to bear witness to what we believe is true, and to demonstrate that not everyone buys into the anti-life message.

      There is tremendous social and peer pressure for these men and women NOT to “convert” and embrace life values.  People on the other side become extremely emotional and it’s not the safest thing to challenge their views in a large group of anti-life partisans.  It may be possible to engage an abortion supporter one-on-one, away from the crowd or in a private setting, but I wouldn’t try it in a crowd.   This is one “choice” that abortion supporters MUST make for themselves, in the silence of their own hearts.   Until that happens, engaging in logical arguments and impassioned pleas on behalf of the unborn, in a peer group setting, are unlikely to sway them.

      Take it from a “recovering New Leftist”.

  • NancyGillardDoran

    You are very hard on yourself. I’m sure you’ve asked God for forgiveness, and if you have and if you’re a Christian, you can rest assured that He has forgiven you. Let this go and keep up the great work that you have now started — trying to end abortion.

  • djaznh

    Justin,  If you were a bad person, you wouldn’t feel so badly.  We all learn lessons, if we’re lucky, from our decisions. 

  • livethegoldenrule

    What is popular on my Facebook wall lately is various posters that show depictions of how others see us, how we see us, and how we really are.  How different they can be!  Even St. Paul lamented in Romans 7:15, ”For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.”  It is the challenges of life and relationships that we learn our weakness and wounds. What are we like under stress–tired, hungry, afraid?  Fear of rejection or loss is a tough one, but by the grace of God, “I can do all things by Christ who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13) God is good that He allows us lessons of humility so we can realize how much we need Him.I know every day it is a struggle for me to remember to surrender and do God’s will, rather than my own.  Even with morning prayer, I launch into my day, forgetting that God is in control!  The maker of the Universe is a Father to me–He knows all, why not ask for guidance, direction more throughout the day? How often I forget! At the end of the day, I reflect on the lessons, what is being allowed that I need to learn?  What do I need to heal, resolve and discipline to do better? What graces are there in greater abundance than the temptation? Advising those on what to do if arrested, Jesus said, don’t worry what to say (Matt 10:19)–and therein is the key.  If we contemplate all that He went through for our sin, a complete sacrifice of pain and suffering–He resisted nothing,  I doubt that any of us will go through what He did, we have nothing to fear.  The question is, what are we willing to sacrifice? The more we are willing to give, that is, the more we are willing to love, the greater the reward.  That’s God’s promise.God does not want us stuck in the past.  Perhaps it would be helpful to seek spiritual direction to understand God’s forgiveness and forgive yourself.  There are plenty of opportunities to do God’s work.  We know the end of the story, God will triumph despite the times we did not rise to the occasion.  We all fail, “waste time” and talent.  We’re human! Consider the agitation a call to do more.God bless!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1224361177 María Inés Benítez Formoso

    We are all scared sometimes. Sometimes I would do the same you did: keep quiet and tell myself I am just “gaining perspective”. Maybe I was gaining perspective, yes; but the main reason to be quiet was that I was scared of the consequences that speaking up my mind could bring upon me.

    Being a medicine student and moving in an environment that is not quite welcoming for prolifers has made me keep quiet out of fear for consequences. But that is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is it a failure: you learn from your mistakes, you become stronger and you stay strong next time you have to face a similar situation. That is what I do now: I go out there, reach out for people in the streets and talk to them, listen to what they think and share what I know with them; I go to events either undercover or in plain sight; and I do not remain silent when asked about what I think of abortion, let alone if asked to do something that directly or indirectly favors abortion.

    Do not let it bring you down and keep on making mistakes that you can learn from, so you will not repeat them next time and be prepared to act as you must. :)

  • http://twitter.com/Roseblue Suzanne Fortin

    I really don’t think you did anything wrong. There’s a time and a place for everything. In fact, I think throwing away your internship to counter-demonstrate would have been foolish. You didn’t betray your personal beliefs. You just didn’t tell people of them. It wouldn’t have changed anything. If there had been something really important at stake, then yes, counter-demonstrating would have been obligatory, but there wasn’t.

  • jenny piirto

    I think we can all say that we have compromised our values at some point in our lives.

       Being silent for the sake of not being labeled as “intolerant” is not uncommon in a politically correct, humanistic culture. I think what it comes down to is maturity. We have a responsibility to ourselves and to God, and sometimes it takes growing as a person (through experiences like these) to know where the line is and knowing what you will and will not tolerate being done or said around you. 

      I am unashamedly pro-life, but I wasn’t always that way. I no longer fear what others may think of me, if they would call me “mean” or “oppressive” because I don’t think that it’s sane for a woman to kill her own child for the sake of convenience that’s okay. I don’t live in fear of man because I don’t answer to the ever-turning and shifting cultural tide, my obedience is to God alone, the One whose word does not change. If you can talk about abortion without people squirming in their seats, then you know something is definitely wrong. Abortion is THAT bad and it should make us THAT uncomfortable. In the aftermath of abortion one person walks away wounded for life, the other dies (that’s not even including the father of the child), and that is the best case scenario.

      When it comes to the pro-life movement, speak loud. That time is NOW. An entire generation has been raised in a culture of death, and here we have a younger group of people who are beginning to rise up and acknowledge the MISTAKES of the ones that came before them. This is a great time to be alive in God’s kingdom. Empowering young people to stand up for their brothers and sisters that were sacrificed in the name of “choice” is a privilege and I’m blessed to be a part of it! 

    ALL TO THE GLORY OF GOD!

  • M.M.Joyce

    That’s too bad. I follow in the steps of Jesus Christ.It is easier for me to look at myself
    to sleep at night,to stand up for what Is right,& to ask Jesus to carry me when my
    sorrows & burdens become to heavy. Also to expect my prayers to be answered as I am doing the Best I can to follow Jesus Christ.

  • mercyonus

    You could have done what some liberals do at tea parties…crash the party and act all crazy making the whole group look bad.

  • Michael

    This may add some new perspective if anyone is interested. I am anti-abortion but I don’t think government prohibition is the best solution, simply because of the can of worms it opens.

    http://wp.me/P2cwbd-2b

  • Michael

    This may add some new perspective if anyone is interested. I am anti-abortion but I don’t think government prohibition is the best solution, simply because of the can of worms it opens.

    http://wp.me/P2cwbd-2b

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_S2CGDZVTZF2OXB5CUKQUOVYYHU JacqueH

       Abolition of child-killing opens a “can of worms”- I prefer worms to dead children.

  • LiliannaConservative

    Rosaries off my ovaries.

    • Cassie Wonderalke

      This is such a stupid statement and it has never made sense. 

  • galileesea

    Thanks for being so honest! You are not alone, being like many Christians who regretfully look back at times in their lives realizing they squandered and wasted many an opportunity to make a difference, for righteous good for any or all men, because they willingly listened to the self-glorifying and gratifying culture and the enemy’s subtle lies promoting self-fulfillment and pride in being “non-partisan.” In reality most of us discover, personally or by observation, it is cowards who are the ones claiming to be non-partisan. Apathy is no excuse, as anyone can investigate an issue that affects our culture be it politics, religion, taxes, etc. and have an opinion on it. (And it is the moral issues that I believe most people reveal their cowardice by taking the non-partisan stance.) And true, there is little or no danger/risk in being non-partisan. No one can judge them one way or the other.  They feel empowered (proud and gratified) in being morally and intellectually superior than those who make a judgment one way or another. Non-partisans are really inferring they won’t say what they believe because they really don’t know until they assess how the outcome affects them, be it positive or negatively. It is subjective. It is all about what is
    in it for them.  But it takes courage to stand/live for what you believe, because the risk and danger is that we will face opposition and sometimes personal, just or not, loss. So for many, they just have to come to a place in their life that demands they define what it is they truly believe and why. People profess many things, but they only live/act out what they TRULY believe. Countless profess to be Christians but look and act more like those who do not make that profession. Those who profess to be Christians and daily Seek to live the Christ-centered and empowered life He has given to His followers, will listen to His Him in Word. As a result they will have fewer regrets of not being deceived by one of the culture’s and the enemy’s many religions: a non-partisan philosophy. They will listen to His Word and that they will do. In humility, peace and love they can stand before their world by living out what they believe!  And there will be no mistake in determining exactly what that is.