My Planned Parenthood Abortion Story

If you go to the Planned Parenthood website, it tells you that abortion is a safe and legal procedure to choose. It is in bold and its message is clear.

My message is equally clear. Here is my story and I know that I am not alone and I will be sharing with you how I am one of the “silent voices.”

The building was so elusive. I really remember that feeling as our Mustang rolled up into the parking lot. They had coached us on dates and times to show up to avoid protesters, so of course I wouldn’t change my mind. Ignorance is the only way that a person can choose to do this, unless you are also under the influence of course. I wasn’t under the influence, I was just dumb, eighteen and apparently too lazy/stupid to research stories.

The “father of the child” came in with me and we were very nervous of course. They told us that I would be counseled for a certain amount of time so I could choose to back out if I wanted to. The counseling of course was one-sided and made sure that I knew that what I was doing was really smart and the only real choice to be making. I watched the faces of the women in the other chairs staring blankly at the floor, wall, anything but the small belly that was starting to show.

They made sure to put much emphasis, like the website states that this is a very common thing and nothing to be ashamed of. I had a lot to be ashamed of honestly. I had carelessly engaged in unprotected sex despite being educated and knowing better. I simply just chose to be reckless with my life and now the unborn life that was growing inside of my body. I knew that but I couldn’t face myself and what I’d done.

I believed the indoctrination I’d been told by many, mostly public schooling “sexual education.” I really believed what these people were telling me despite the fact my heart felt so heavy and I felt something deep and powerful inside of me telling me I was wrong.

I honestly had the contemplation in my mind of leaving (many times), but I was afraid before I got there and I was more afraid after the counseling. I felt and was told that I’d let my baby down, my family down, they expected me to walk out with a new life, clean from my mistakes.  So I sat there in fear, paralyzed. And yes, I would like to state they don’t hold you prisoner or make you stay, it is your “choice” but a very uninformed one/one-sided one.

We paid our fees of course upon entry and the staff appeared friendly and helpful throughout the whole process. I felt so safe (at first and during the call to make the appointment) like I could really trust them. They felt like family, almost. Little did I know it was all a lie.

We were counseled in Columbia, SC on how I would be given a medication but not go all the way under as it was not the “knock you out procedure.” I was just given Valium. We were told I would feel mild cramping and that I would have a heavier than usual period. It all made sense given the circumstances – I questioned nothing. I’ve since learned, the hard way, that this is one of the biggest mistakes one can make in life. Question EVERYTHING!

All of us getting abortions were given the Valium at the same time. And they started calling us back one by one. I had no knowledge of course of what Valium even was, never even heard the name before. Honestly, I don’t even think they told us what it was other than it was a sedative. They had us sign a lot of papers quickly prior to the procedure and administering of medication. I was almost the last person in line. I didn’t see the other women come back. But I digress, there was other exams that were done prior to this administration of medications.

They do a physical exam and an ultrasound of the baby. I honestly can say I felt its presence more than ever before, as they performed the ultrasound. It really made me curious, what did it look like? Me, him? Was it a girl, a boy? I imagined its little eyes, hands, feet… So I asked the technician if I could see the baby, and she quickly told me no. I asked why I wasn’t able to see my baby and she told me that it was because people were likely to change their mind.

Now as an almost 30-year-old woman and a mother of a 9-year-old boy, that was time to run. I didn’t get it. I felt like something was wrong but figured that I had to fix this “shame,” everyone does this, it is safe, acceptable, preferred and my family was pressuring me to do this. And back then I really let them run my life – so I stayed. They took pictures, hid the screen and pictures from me, and fled the room. This is when I was whisked away to sign the papers and get the Rx.

Now it was my turn, they called my name and back I went. I started to worry because the effects of the medication did not seem as strong as they had initially been. I mentioned this to the nurse (who probably was an LPN) and she told me I was fine, not to worry and rushed me back to the room. I asked again if I could have more medication or something else and that I even would pay extra. I was told no, they had nothing else and could only give me the one pill.

Fear had started to kick in. No, no and no. To the table we went. It was old, brown and the room seemed not very sterile honestly looking back. The room had a weird metal window that I didn’t notice until later, a curtain hung poorly from the wall to the floor – where you get dressed and undressed.

The doctor who I’d not even seen or known his name walked in. Looked at my chart and started to mess with things. He did a very rough exam of my body, it became clear to me at this point that the medication was NOT working anymore. This was also despite the cervix shot they give you to supposedly numb the area, trust me when I say this made little to no difference pain wise (or so it seemed considering what they were doing) or consequence wise.

I expressed my concerns to the doctor but he wouldn’t look at me or talk to me. He acted as though I said nothing or that I wasn’t even there. There was no HIPPA stuff, there was no verifying my name or DOB, nothing like that. Next thing I know I felt the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I heard the sounds of a vacuum, it seemed. Honestly I thought we were doing the D and C so when I hear suctioning I was a bit surprised. The doctor smiled at me in the creepiest of ways as I (literally) screamed in pain as he sucked the life, literally out of my body.

The “nurses” held my extremities down on the table as I writhed in pain and covered my mouth as I screamed in agony. They told me things like to shut up, it was almost over, stuff like that. I honestly cannot quote exactly as I am unable to remember exactly what was said since it was a while ago that this happened, but you get the point. It was over quickly as they promised. They made sure to hold the glass jar in front of my face with my once living, baby in front of my face as they passed it through some window for disposal, I assume.

My whole body was in shakes, I couldn’t think at all, I couldn’t even dress myself I was in so much pain. I now know my body was in shock as was I in emotional trauma. The nurses that were once so counseling and nice were now mean. “Hurry up and put on this pad and your clothes, hurry up we have other people behind you. You aren’t the only one you know”. I muttered if they could please help me with my panties as I couldn’t stand. She grunted, sighed, roughly assisted me to get dressed and escorted me to the “recovery room”. It was full of other women who seemed so sad it made me want to vomit. They were just as damned as I was now. We had all felt this, I knew that without saying a word. It was on all of their faces. Not one woman looked happy. I wondered what had led them there, some were so smart looking, some seemed rich, and some seemed lost like me.

We got some antibiotics and after care information before sitting there for the required time for monitoring. Then, out the door we went to the people who drove us there. I was still in a lot of pain, and now, completely void inside – my baby was gone. I honestly didn’t know if I could live with myself. As I walked out in the waiting room I found my boyfriend in tears telling me that he’d gone outside to smoke a cigarette while he was waiting for me. He told me that he had met a wonderful man outside, who was a protester and that told him the truth of what was going to happen to me and our baby. He freaked and ran inside and begged them to get me out, they told him it was too late the procedure had already happened. It was a lie, the times didn’t match. They lied to us.

We were shocked, hurt, traumatized and we’d been lied to the whole time. From day one until the moment we walked out the door. The consequences of what could and would happen to me were never discussed. They also failed to tell me (and I was too dumb and internet was more scarce in the home to have been told that my child’s heart had already been beating at that point).

They made it sound like this little cell, blob, in-human object that was just there for removal. Nothing to love or nothing relatable. All lies. I know now that people have much more access to information then back then even, I know that stories have gotten out due to the web and doctors finally speaking up to help people make REAL informed choices now. I acknowledge this but there is more to this story.

I held this shame, secret, guilt and horror for a while. My mother knew and my boyfriend knew. We swore we’d never do that again, ever. We’d face whatever consequences that came from our encounters in the future but that was just not an option for us. The level of depression I felt was indescribable. Literally, I had no idea I was even depressed let alone how to handle it. I felt alone. I would also like to add that I tell this not to be a sob story to feel sorry for me – I want no sympathy at all. I do not expect it, I do feel that for my baby. I feel sorry, I feel sick and I feel ashamed. That is why I tell this, because I didn’t save or adopt my child, I chose murder and I tell this so others hopefully won’t do what I did. I want someone, hopefully to learn from my mistakes.

I was blessed in February of 2001 and found out in March of 2001 that I was expecting my precious child I have now in my life. I don’t remember how it came up but I shared my story with my OBGYN and she had previously worked at Planned Parenthood as she was taught to be a “feminist of choice” and how wondrous abortion and Planned Parenthood was (and facilities of the like). She worked there until she saw what happened to me, happening to other women. A LOT of of other women.

She quit and went into the business of saving babies lives and helping counsel her patients on the joy of being a parent and the joy of life. She was truly a blessing to me and her sharing that story with me made me feel less alone. She truly gave me the affirmation that I was not crazy or I was not the only one this happened to. She helped me in more ways than I can ever thank her for or express in words.

She shared with me that the doctors got kicks out of hurting the women and that they deserved some level of pain and punishment for what they were doing. I am sure that this does not happen at every facility, but it does happen a lot more than I am sure anyone has ever heard of. She was not shocked at anything I told her and she had seen it all first hand before. I was just another number, another statistic of the silent voice of Planned Parenthood and abortion.

I share this painful tale with you because if I can stop one woman from the ignorant information that is out there about abortion being a viable choice, it was worth the pain I’ve had to share to save one life. It was truly this experience that turned me around politically and what was really worth fighting for. Life. I hope my story inspires you in many ways, I hope that it is passed to someone who is faced with the difficult choice of pregnancy unprepared and to have all the information BEFORE hand. So my vote is simple, Pro-Life forever and always.

* I would also like to add that I did not focus on the topic of what happens to the unborn child, my baby and others babies lost in this tragic way. Because we all know the answer to that, it is obvious, sick and sad. I just wanted to clarify why I didn’t discuss on that as it is obvious at this point but no less important or not that it was not worth mentioning. I think about it all the time. That child is never far from my mind or my heart. So please understand that I write this story to reach out woman-to-woman as I felt it would reach more than focusing on the “cell or the fetus” as a lot of people tend to dehumanize the children. *

  • ChristiemannIV

    God Bless you and keep you Christina, you are a hero for many.

  • Anonymous

    I hope many people considering aborting their unborn child first read this personal story.

  • Beal1

    this is good, really honest truth. More need to hear your story! Thanks for sharing.

  • Jen

    Thank you for sharing.  I honestly believe no woman would choose abortion knowing what the whole process is and how you feel after.  I wish every young woman could hear this story.

    • 12angrymen

      But actually, a large percentage of the abortions done each year are by women who have had multiple abortions. I know you want to believe no woman would choose to have an abortion knowing the process, but the facts state otherwise. 

      • Joyfuel1

        As one of those who have had multiple abortions, I can say that subsequent abortions do not necessarily occur because your first experience is “better” than this woman reports.  Honestly, my story is somewhat similar – staff that was quite friendly until during/after the procedure, lack of real recovery care, etc.
        There is quite a bit of research on Post-Abortion Syndrome that shows some interesting patterns.  Often, the worse a woman feels about her abortion, the more likely she is to have another one.  The research indicates that often these women feel unidentified guilt, & thereby end up with “replacement” pregnancies – pregnancies to “replace” the one terminated.  However, since she is not cognitive of what she’s doing, she ends up in the same situation – unplanned, etc. – & therefore has another abortion, or she does so simply to “normalize” the previous procedure.  After the guilt of one, what’s another, after all.  (So seems to be the thought pattern.)  
        From my past experience, I would personally say that there is definitely merit to this interpretation of the research results.
        Further, I have spoken with many women who have initially stated that they do not regret their abortions only to state, after discussing the matter on a deeper level, that they actually do feel some degree of guilt or shame.  Most of these same women declare their support of “women’s rights” and feel (either outright or introspectively) that to admit any type of remorse would be paramount to admitting wrong-doing or “defeat” in some manner.
        Just some points to ponder from one who has been there & now counsels in this area.

        • 12angrymen

          While this may be, my first comment was 100 percent correct. Just because a women knows the process does not necessarily mean she will be deterred from getting another abortion, no matter her reasoning as most abortions are from women who have had an abortion already. 

    • Beth Ann Judkins

      What about the babies right to life?? The baby wants to live WOMAN share there bodies with a person growing inside of them adoption babies area blessings the babies fight to live a baby don’t ruin your life adoption

  • It strikes me that every single personal abortion story I’ve ever heard – even ones from women who say they have no regrets – sounds like a nightmare, right down to the “trapped with no way out” aspect. Thank you for having the courage and strength to share your story.

    • Beatrice Divina

      I’m one of the women who has no regrets that I had an abortion.  And frankly, since it’s a painful and invasive medical procedure, I can’t imagine anyone describing it in a way that makes it sound like a walk on the beach.  

      • Leiapeison

         rock on girl!!

      • Joe

        If it’s so painful, you might as well have gone through with the pregnancy and give it to a deserving family who can’t have one.

        • Beatrice

          Because I didn’t want to be pregnant, and because I’m not a baby-making machine for “a deserving family.”

        • Beatrice

          In addition, having now been through two full term pregnancies and childbirth, I feel I can say with a fair amount of authority that FOR ME, an abortion was far less physically painful and dangerous than carrying a pregnancy to term.
          Also, having been all the way through pregnancy and childbirth twice, and having friends who are both adoptive parents and biological parents, there’s nothing simple or easy in giving a child up for adoption, even if you don’t want to raise that child.

        • beesknees

          Stfu, dude. You have no right to tell anyone what to do with their body.

          • Guest

            Thanks and you are right beesknees.

  • Hoffmanfive

    Sounds just like my friend’s story of her abortion. I know stories like this will help convince women on the fence that abortion is not a choice they want to live with. On the other hand, almost half of abortions are performed on women who have already had one or more. That absolutely blows my mind. You only had to live through what you lived through once to know you’d never do it again. What kind of mindset does it take to choose abortion twice? Or three, or ten times?! It’s so discouraging that this mentality exists… But thank you for doing your part to educate young women on how truly horrific abortion is. I’m glad you are able to share that. It gives meaning to your baby’s life and the nightmare you had to live through.

  • Cate

    It took a lot of courage to share your story.  Thank you!  

  • katiekat

    wow, this reads like crazy propoganda

    • Foeym

      You’re an idiot

    • Foeym


      • 12angrymen


    • Joyfuel1

      Except that it is most likely true.  This story is more common that many would believe, unfortunately.

    • Anonymous

       sorry you feel that way.  I have names and phone #’s of 3 or 4 women in my town who could nearly VERBATIM tell you the exact same story.

      It is little more than a money machine for PP, and they know it.

  • This is so sad, it breaks my heart.

  • Mimi159

    Thanks for sharing your story! I pray many will change their minds as a result and many lives will be saved!

  • Afro American


    • jennie

      and here we have the epitome of ignorant pro-choice mentality, folks!

  • jennie

    this hurts my heart!  the poor baby, and his/her poor mother!  thank you for sharing your story.  in no way do i imagine that this could be an easy thing to talk about.  i’ll share this.  maybe a mind can be changed and a life can be saved if someone sees what abortion does to women.  it kills children, obviously… but few people realize the pain and agony it can cause a woman.

  • Arne

    This is a good story! It make me glad that you share your story, it`s so important for the future generation! 

    I choose LIFE! 

  • Ninachantele

    Sounds like ‘your choice’ was everyone else’s but your own. And that’s exactly what happens when someone wants to decide what right another person has. Some women may never have to go through the decision process of having to keep or abort their child but why take away the right to have a medical procedure done in a safe way? It’s obvious your family’s shaming lead you to walk through those doors in the first place and kept you going through a process you didn’t feel comfortable with. Maybe you should re-examine exactly where your negative emotions lie rather than displace the plan on Planned Parenthood. Thanks to the medically safe environment they provided you are here and were still able to bear children. 

    • Laura

      “medically safe” when they didn’t even give her enough pain medication? “Why take away the right…” no one has the right to kill babies 

  • coral

    I don’t believe it. You had the ability to walk out at any time and didn’t.  Why?  Because either you didn’t want the baby and/or society at that time told you that your life was ruined if you had the baby.  Thankfully society has changed, mainly due to the fact that other 18 yr-olds did choose to walk out, while others chose to have the abortion.  Society has changed because there is a choice.  I had an abortion when I was 18 too….guess what…..I don’t regret it for a minute.  Why?  Because I was strong enough to make my own decisions and I made the right decision for me. This story sounds like your trying to make up for the fact that you succumbed to your own victimhood.    

    • carmensosa

      Coral, her story and her experiences are different to yours. Are they not valid because of that? Nobody is judging you, so don´t judge her. You say we were strong enough to abort your baby, why weren´t you strong enough to abstain sexual relations? or at least have protected sex? Sexual relations ultimately lead to conception you know? and although pleasure and unity come into the equation, the ultimate goal is perpetuating human life, so if you don´t feel you are prepared  to take responsibility for the consequences do not engage in them.
      You also say you made the right decision for you… sorry, for it was not your decision to make, it may have been your body, but it was not your life to take.
      I hope you understand this. There is a hole lot more of fulfillment in having a child than killing it.
      I am so sorry you had to go through this. Just know that there is people you care about or even know, praying for you and people like you.
      I hope you can understand other´s people feelings about abortion other than yours.

      • Janice

        Because all pregnancies are caused by a woman not being “strong enough” to fight off the urge to have sex. Riiiight. Like a 12 year old girl not being “strong enough” to fight off her uncle who raped her (a story I heard first-hand when I worked with NAF) or a woman who was with her partner for 9 years and her birth control failed for the first time in those 9 years… Like what happened to ME. Indeed, I just wasn’t “strong enough” to fight off those undying sexual urges. I hope you don’t reproduce or, especially, have a girl, because this poor child will grow up with you teaching her that she’s some sort of monster for having sex and she’s not strong if she gives into the temptation.

        P.s. Do yourself a favor and check out how Roe v. Wade decreased crime rates in the U.S. by a significant enough amount that numerous non-partisan studies showed the exact correlation. Abortion may not be the most savory subject, but until this country can adequately provide for the poor and uneducated, it will continue to reduce crime caused by unwanted pregnancies or by a child being raised in a family that never wanted it or was unable to provide. Adoption isn’t always a feasible option so most children end up in foster care and, as we’ve seen lately, can spend their lives being tossed from family to family, suffering greatly, they could be abused physically and sexually, and then forgotten the day they turn 18. Which would YOU want for a child? And I’m also guessing you’re not lining up to adopt a kid, which wouldn’t even register on the radar as far as helping an orphaned baby.

    • Jeremy Watson

      Maybe you don’t regret it for a minute, But if you meet God with that mindset you will regret it for eternity. I pray you give your life to Jesus Christ and He will forgive your sins and cause you to see the world through different eyes. Every unborn child and and child that has been born is a miracle and the invention and propeerty of God from even before conception. He knew us before the womb

      • Yasmine Anderson

        God is kind and God is forgiving. If she’s going to be punished that’s between God and her. Not between you, God, and her. You have no idea how God will receive her.

    • Beth Ann Judkins

      Your life is noi ruined by having a baby a baby is a gift just because WOMAN have had a bad life doesn’t mean the baby will have a bad life the child wants to live adoption it’s not just a woman’s body when pregnant they share there bodies with a child a human being a life a baby a child Is not a choice it’s a child not a fetus not tissue a life ending why can’t people care about the babies right to life shelters if abused get help social workers public health nurse can help you keep the child counslors help a baby doesn’t have a choice to live think aboutthe in born child for once abortion is murder if a human being

  • Sunneedaze57

    Abortion not only destroys a baby’s life, it also destroys the mother’s life! My abortion experience sounds very familiar.  I was ashamed that I’d had sex and not married. I was “counseled” that with the abortion my life could go on like nothing happened.  Biggest lie ever!!!!!!!!!!!  I also was yelled at and told to shut up when I cried. Twice!  I also suffered from Post Traumatic Syndrome for 9 years before being able to accept God’s forgiveness. 

  • afriend

    Every time i read or hear about a story like this i begin to cry. i am 16 and my friend had an abortion last year as i sophomore in high school it is very similar to this one. she said she couldn’t picture herself as a mom because she is so young and the father wouldn’t have anything to do with the pregnancy but now she says the baby is always in her thoughts. she misses her child.

  • birth mother

    My minister called on us to have more fraternity, compassion, and kinship earlier this week.
    Today I read this article and yesterday I read an article from the opposite side of the fence.

    It is my fondest wish that, even if we disagree, we treat each other with the respect and compassion every world religion champions and so few in our society practice.

  • More to the Story

    I had a planned parenthood abortion fifteen years ago. It was a sad, painful time in my life, but, in retrospect, a decision that allowed me to finish my education, have a career helping underpriviliged children, and eventually raise two beautiful children in a home where I could provide them with the things I never would have been able to give them as a struggling student. The doctors and nurses during my abortion treated me with compassion and respect. It was not the most agonizing physical pain of my life–far from it. But it was an emotional pain that I still carry with me to this day. I believe every woman has the right to choose an abortion, but I also believe that it is an intense, complicated, and irreversible choice. It’s never easy or simple. 

    • Michelle

      Thank you for your straight-forward and informative comment. Obviously abortion is not an easy choice for any woman. It makes me feel better that you say it was not the most agonizing physical pain. And I’m sure you made the right decision. It’s selfish to kill a fetus, everyone seems to be saying…well how about when that fetus grows up into a boy or a girl or a young adolescent, hating their parents because they are poor and don’t have the same means as their classmates? Or maybe they’re cursing their mother because she didn’t have time to grow up before having the child, thus making her an unfit mother and making the child emotionally unstable? I don’t understand how pro-life people can be so ignorant of these “what ifs”…

      I know that where I am at in my life right now does NOT include caring for a child. I WANT to have a child when I am stable enough–emotionally and financially–and not assume that God is going to damn me to hell because I was actually thinking about the babies life when IT GROWS UP, not when it is but a mere fetus. Honestly, if I were a fetus, with no brain developed, no thinking, the size of a pinky, I honestly would prefer to just be nipped than to grow up in an unstable household with no money and with parents who have no idea what they are doing. I don’t understand how people automatically say that abortion is the most selfish act one can commit, when on the contrary, simply having the child when the means are not there is something that is going to affect the poor child for the rest of his or her life. That’s not something you can joke about. This kid will have to grow up in an unprivileged environment. It’s a matter of 3-5 minutes vs a human being’s entire LIFE where they will have to suffer. Doesn’t this make sense?

      • Kim

        I don’t even know what to say. Would it be ok to kill that teenager, angry at his parents because they are poor? Would it be ok to kill a newborn who had “immature” parents or who were going to an “unstable” environment? What makes a baby in the womb any different than one out of the womb? Thank goodness your parents either were financially stable or don’t think the way you do or maybe you wouldn’t be here commenting on this page. Have you had children? Do you know what is like to look at your baby or hear the heartbeat or feel life inside of you? Do you know what it’s like to mourn the loss of your child? I am blown away by the lies of this world that have shielded you from the reality of abortion. The things you wrote break my heart– seeing how very blind you are to how accepting our society has become to this culture of death. I hope your eyes will be opened.

        • Nick

          Kim, a fetus isn’t a human being. Try again.

          • Tara

            Then what is it Nick? A dog? Cat? Worm? SMH. Do you know what makes a human? 46 chromosomes! No matter how small the person is, 46 chromosomes makes it HUMAN! Do you have kids? I do! I had my first ultrasound of my daughter when I was 9 weeks pregnant with her…..oh and guess what I saw? A very tiny HUMAN! OMG did I say human

          • Tara

            She had a human head, I seen where her eyes were, she had two arms with human looking fingers on them already and legs, feet with human looking toes! She was in the shape of a human……I mean how is it not a human? Was I pregnant with a cucumber and out popped my baby girl 9 months later? The meaning of fetus is “little one”….so yes a fetus is as human as you are!

          • vam

            What is wrong with you? A stage in development doesn’t change what you are, or will be, indefinitely. That’s disturbed.

  • Trgp77

    I had to read your story.  I wanted to hear what I guess I already knew, that abortion is wrong.  You are taking a life or lives without knowing that you are doing that.  Like you said, in your gut you knew you were doing wrong, but you were ignorant and young.
    I myself had multiple abortions and quiver at the thought of what I did.  I cry to think I did this, because I love kids today.  I only have one daughter and I worship her.  I wish I could have more but the time has run out for me. I don’t know how it would of turned out if I didn’t do what I did, but I would love to have the opportunity to look into some kind of crystal ball and be able to look back and see.  I’m so sorry for what I did and I know you are too It’s a great and courageous thing you did to tell your story.  I know you are going to reach someone or more then just someone and you will make a difference.  Thank you for sharing.  I’m not alone in my thoughts and sadness.
    Stay well and just love your child.

  • You should read “Unplanned” by Abby Johnson.. she worked for Planned Parenthood for 8 years…even became the clinic director … then she became one of the biggest Pro-Life advocates to this day. It’s an incredible story… and I am so sorry you suffered from having an abortion. God heals us in miraculous ways and uses our sins and failures to bring glory to his name. I am so glad that you shared your story because I bet you have stopped not only 1…but probably more from having an abortion. May God bless you sweetheart!

  • Lara Garcia Costanzo

    You are a liar! You were probably paid by some church or something. I know an abortion is horrible, emotionally and physically, but the people who do it are not as terrible as you describe, the room is clean and you get a lot of information.

    • Kim

      She was only sharing her experience. I am sure for some women it is not like this, but unfortunately for some it is.

      • Christina

        Thank you Kim. You are correct.

    • Christina

      I was not lying and I was not paid by anyone. The only thing I paid for was rude comments like this and for the inability to have children now. My experience was truthful and real. It doesn’t matter if all clinics are this way, it was a Planned Parenthood clinic. There are many illegal and wrong things that are done with these clinics. This shouldn’t ever happen to one person and that is one of my reasons for sharing it.

    • Tara

      just curious, have you had an abortion? I had one 14 years ago and from my experience, the room was NASTY! Staff was VERY UNPROFESSIONAL. Didn’t give me enough information to make a fair choice, no talks of adoption, no talk about assistance NOTHING! btw have you ever heard of Dr Gosnell…….take a look at his clinic and tell if that’s clean. Now he is sitting in prison on first degree MURDER charges because he snipped the spines of his full term or near full term babies that he aborted. Oh and then there’s a good list of other nasty clinics on operation rescue website.

  • Maria

    Does abortion really hurt that much? Hope I never have to do one in my life due to economics reasons or something

    • Christina

      Yes, it really did hurt that badly. Some women are put under to have abortions and therefore don’t suffer the pain of being awake like this. But it was painful and it made me dead inside. And the doctor relished in my pain. The nurses were cold and the “after care” was cold and nothing but a bunch of depressed women without babies in regret while they made sure we didn’t need to be shipped of to the ER for a few minutes before releasing us. I hope you’ll not consider abortion for any reason. It is truly not worth it. The emotional pain is far worse than the physical.

  • Kim

    Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you.

    • Christina

      Thanks Kim. It wasn’t easy but I am glad I did it. No regrets. Thank you for being supportive and taking the time to read and comment.

  • Anonymous

    Sounds unbelievably dramatic. Very sorry if this is what you went through, but you obviously went to a bad clinic. If there were more clinics available in your area, you would’ve had better care. The clinic I went to is almost the opposite of this. This sounds like the story a pro-life activist would tell. The exact story that a pro-life activist thinks people would need to hear in order to change their mind about abortion because the honest truth about it isn’t enough to persuade anyone into anything. You think planned parenthood is biased but this story doesn’t sound any different. The doctors enjoy hurting women? The nurses told you to shut up? Your doctor was a pervert (from how you made it sound)? I don’t want to assume this story is not true, because I know that this probably does really happen more than it should (which, obviously, is never.) However, your view on abortion shouldn’t affect how you vote on abortion. I don’t know if I missed it or if you didn’t say, but I don’t know what state you’re in, but I’m in Texas, where the state government is trying desperately to make abortion as inaccessible as possible. The laws we have in place at this moment are good, I believe. Taxpayers don’t pay for abortions. Women have the right to see the ultrasound and know about the stages of pregnancy, if they choose to, and women aren’t “forced” into anything. The clinic I went to refunds all of the money if a woman changes her mind no matter what (even if she’s lying on the table about to start the procedure.) I’ve called multiple clinics (including multiple planned parenthoods), and everyone was extremely understanding and nice. If your abortion was a bad experience, tell as many women as you want in hopes of encouraging them to change their mind. Speaking with many women, clinics, and pro-choice organizations, I couldn’t feel more comfortable with my decision. I know getting an abortion was the right decision for me, and I couldn’t imagine if someone felt the need to make my decisions for me. You don’t know everyone’s situation. Just because it wasn’t rape or incest or life-threatening doesn’t mean it isn’t the best decision for a woman. Every pro-choice organization or abortion clinic staff member I spoke with was nothing more than supportive. They didn’t try to help me make my decision and they weren’t being biased. They were informative. Considering that I live in Texas, a very red state, I find it unlikely that I just got lucky and had a good experience with abortion. I do understand there are some bad experiences and I feel very, very sorry for those women, but I don’t tell other women how to live their life and I fully expect other people to have that same respect for me. The paperwork at the abortion clinic asked a simple question, “Is anyone pressuring you to get an abortion?” It’s too bad that nobody told you that the only person who can make that decision is you. There’s a reason it’s called pro-choice and not pro-abortion. I don’t encourage abortion. I encourage each woman to make her own choices. If you want to keep your baby, regardless of what anyone tells you, you should. If there are no laws telling you what decision to make, then you can’t be upset with anyone other than yourself. How would you feel if someone else got to choose whether or not you terminate the pregnancy or keep the baby?

    • Guest

      I can tell that you have a lot more regret that you’re not really sharing fully in this comment. What was posted here is true and political beliefs have nothing to do with this. I am sorry you feel the story was dramatic and I am glad that you had a clinic you feel met your standards for aborting your baby. However, that is not always the case. And the point of sharing these stories is to make awareness and also reflect that when you’re in the situation of having an abortion in lieu of a bad clinic..that it makes you aware of what you’re doing. I wish that abortion wasn’t an option because I would have been more accountable for what I’d done with my body and perhaps been more careful to not get pregnant in the first place. Or assume my role as a Mother.

  • I am a human

    To all you pro choice people out there. I was born at 28 weeks, emergency c-section. I was a quintuplet. One of my siblings had died in my others womb. The four of us that were still alive were close to dying. My mother’s heart stopped twice during the C section. I hear people today say that mothers should abort sick babies and terminal ones. So they won’t be in pain. When you say that you are saying that shouldn’t be here. That my brain damaged, epileptic and blind brother who means the world to me. And my nearly deaf sister with learning disabilities and one working eye that I love, my other sister, my brother born six years later with a lung tumor, and me with a damaged lung that has left a hole in my breast on top of everything else should have been thrown in the trash. You might say “Oh but you’re guys are alive now so it doesn’t matter. Now you are different” NO WE ARE NOT DIFFERENT! WE ARE THE SAME PEOPLE WE WERE 14 AND 9 YEARS AGO!!!!! Just because we aren’t sick doesn’t change who we are. My brain damaged brother is a math genius. Here’s a question: what is 1,830,987 + 1,830,987. My “useless” brother could tell you the answer in 30 seconds. My sister with one eye can play any sport under the sun. Can you? YOU PEOPLE SAY WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN RIPPED APART IN OUR MOTHER’S WOMB AND THEN THROWN OUT WITH THE TRASH. MY MOTHER COULD HAVE ABORTED ME A RIGHT BEFORE OUT BIRTH. Because you can’t see me or hear me or because I’m inside someone I’m not human? And if you don’t want us to suffer then why would you want us to be ripped apart. A baby can feel pain at less that 12 weeks. I have a friend who’s terminal. She’s expected to die at age 12. She doesn’t deserve life because of that? IS A SMALL LIFE FULL OF PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU WORTH LESS THAN NO LIFE? Because that’s what you are saying. WE WANT TO LIVE YOU DON’T MAKE THOSE DECISIONS FOR US. WE DO. In society’s eyes we shouldn’t be here. because we should have been killed in our mother’s womb. Yet we are here. WE BEAT YOU! AND WE ARE GOING TO TELL PEOPLE HOW YOU SEE US. You don’t see us as humans. Today or when we were less than 9 months. You saw us as something that doesn’t deserve life. And today I am not living because society says I shouldn’t. I walk around in this world with people that want me dead. I am human. So what that I will die young or be in pain. At least I will live.

    • DCS

      nobody is saying that your brothers and sister should be dead or don’t deserve to live. They are saying that if your parents felt the need to abort, they should have that option.

  • Risque

    Today i had this procedure at pph. It was thee worst pain of my entire life. The pain was so bad my body started to convulse & i couldent speak..they had to stop & wait for me to stop convulsing. I have 2 children, i have NEVER EVER felt a pain dso bad in my entire life…not childbirth, not broken bones, not being beat by my ex boyfriend till i was bloody. NOTHING IS AS BAD AS THAT PAIN. If you NEED to do this….be put to sleep. I wouldent edure it again even if u try to pay me 5,000$.
    Woman need to be better informed, pph told me “mild to moderate cramping”…complete bullshit.

  • Janice

    I’ve never, EVER heard of a single person going through something like that. It sounds like you didn’t research your hospital that well and you weren’t in any sort of mental state to have an abortion. The treatment you received is extremely unfortunate, but it’s not limited to just abortion doctors. I had a regular OB/GYN nearly kill me with a procedure to remove my miscarried 12 week fetus –twice. Once because he was so aggressive with the procedure that he cut my uterus, and again when he ignored my complaints about bleeding and fainting for 8 weeks and I ended up with sepsis and after a D&C and a blood transfusion, I stayed in the hospital for 9 days straight.

    You are intentionally scaring women with a story that is very uncommon. I had to go through an elective abortion because the fetus I was carrying did not form a cranium (a side effect I learned about my seizure medicine, AFTER the fact, was that it reduces the efficacy of birth control. I knew it caused severe birth defects) and at the facility I was treated with the utmost of care and received IV sedation and remember nothing of the procedure. Afterwards I volunteered for NAF because I knew not all abortions are done by callous, unthinking/unfeeling women and I wanted to help. Of the hundreds of women I counseled, not a single one experienced anything close to what you just mentioned, and these were from hospitals ranging from the nicest, private abortion clinics, to inner-city clinics that received mostly indigent patients who paid half with private donations (because Medicaid does not cover abortion, no matter what you hear. Nor do most private insurances.) You are either lying (which may God help you if you are because that’s just sickening and I really want to believe you) or you just experienced something that you should discuss with planned parenthood because I know these people would have compensated you for such a horrible experience.

    • Anna

      I wish that were the case. The story I read was very similar to my abortion experience in VA 4 years ago, from the Dr looking at me in a sick way to the staff being unfriendly on the way out and being pushed out of the recovery room. I actually asked to stay longer and was feeling very dizzy but it was clear my chair was needed. I sat in the stairwell until I was ready to walk to the car. It was awful. Additionally the part about being stuck in the clinic was exactly my experience. I was told I would receive counseling, and I in fact went to a separate PP a week earlier to get counseling bc I had no made up my mind, when I arrived at the office they told me they did not do counseling there and that the call center had made a mistake, and that I would receive that service the day of my procedure if I made an appointment. I was not comfortable with making an appointment when I was unsure but I didn’t want to want until the pregnancy was further along so I did. I was not counseled in any way, and God forbid, if someone had forced me to have the procedure, they would have had no idea because they never asked if I was there on my own free will nor did they ask if I wanted to proceed with the abortion. They simply pushed me along the check in, with no one really engaging me in a meaningful way, instead it was an assembly line mentality and I and my 8 week old baby were being moved along. I also did ask to see the sonogram and thankfully was no told no, however she did not show me the actual live sonogram, but a still shot. This had to be, as the originally posted suggested, because had she done so I would have more than likely had a change of heart. As you can see, the similarities are many. I did not experience the pain she did and was not told to shut up. However the assistance in the room offered no support and never engaged me, she was on the computer the whole time, and did not offer me any support. Each step of the process the PP employees work to remove the reality that you have a choice. If they truly cared that you were making a huge decision which each women that has an abortion is, they would provide at least one opportunity where women are given a moment to talk about her feelings and informed that she can walk out and come back later if she so decides. This is not how they operate bc they want you to proceed. For whatever reason, and if they wanted to simply support your decision they would make sure each woman is comfortable with that decision by asking the question. Of course they know many women are mentally half way out the door and if even given the space and chance to leave they would, and therefore the don’t even mention it, and the assembly line moves on. Her story is 100% true, because it is my story also.

  • Amanda

    I need to comment on this because for all the girls out there who are reading this that feel like you have no other choice I need you to know that this is someone who is trying to scare you straight into not getting an abortion. I am absolutely disgusted and these narrow minded people need to take one step back and understand its not your body. its not your decision. its not your life. Listen here my beautiful warriors I’ve been in the position you have been in your body is changing you are scared shitless and this isn’t what you wanted. I was in an abusive relationship and my birth control failed me. I was 17 years old. I remember staring down through teary clouded vision at the pink plus sign and thinking I’m just a baby myself how can I have a baby? My partner physically and emotionally abused me how could I subject an innocent child to that? I was supposed to find my dream husband and surprise him with my pregnancy test while he cried with joy what happened? Life happened. Let me be clear when I say sexuality is a river, if you try to block it up it will find a million other ways to flow. I had sex. SEX. theres absolutely nothing wrong with it and I need you beautiful women to pick your head up, don’t you dare feel any shame because you participated in one of the most primitive and DNA encoded practices that come naturally to us. Now while those heads are held high understand that the russian roulette gun went off but unlike russian roulette your life is not over. You have a choice. I don’t regret the choice I made one damn day because I got a second chance, I didn’t bring an unwanted future abuse candidate into this world. Looking back I mourn the life but I also didn’t ruin a childs life. I had the medication abortion done and yes my little daisys it is painful but EVERY staff member in that place was supportive and gave me a chance to think things through.There was no “sadistic baby killer” like this pro life fraud tries to pawn off on you young girls to scare you into their oppressive “you have to keep this child in your for 9 months and you have to love this baby no matter what and you have to be a good mother for 18 years because having control over the choices you make over your own body IS A SIN” but I will say this you will experience an EXTREME cramping pain after putting the second dose of medication behind your cheeks 3 days after your first dose in the office and thankfully I did not vomit but many women do. Now you need to understand that I can barely even do detox tea’s because of the cramping and naseua when it comes to that stuff I just can’t handle it so the pain from the oral abortion was the absolute worst for me but that’s what you need to gauge your own pain tolerance level on. If I do decide to choose whats best for my own body and own life because life happens and although I’d like to think I will never mess up again its sometimes out of your control I would do the surgical procedure. You can abstain from sex for the rest of your life but if thats not your religion because you have to right to decide your own values and morals no matter what these people make you believe or even if it its your religion but hey you have mind of your own, think for yourself. The surgical procedure is far less time consuming and I would have to say far less pain because your pain is over in 10 minutes mine lasted hours and then you are so zonked out from the vicodin they give you it feels like it lasts weeks and you just want to get back to your normal self after these things happen believe me. Above all else don’t you ever think that this choice is wrong and sinful. Don’t you dare let any men try to make this decision for you because they will never understand, I know exactly how you are feeling while reading this you breath seems to be growing faster your throat is closing up and no matter how much research you do nothing settles your fear. I would not have been a good mother and the child would have the worst father possible. Giving my child up for adoption wasn’t an option in my mind because that child would end up in foster care and would have an even worse life without us no matter what all these people try to shove down your throat about “a loving home” I personally have seen foster homes up close and the abuse from them. These people want to make you feel like shit and make you keep the baby so they feel better about their own lives. Take it from me my darling, none of these people would jump up and take your kid from you to give it a “loving home” they just want to sit their and force you to keep something you don’t want. Lets face it! you don’t want it! My sweet flowers that is okay! Repeat after me “It is okay for me to not want the situation I have been put in and it is okay to decide whats best for my own body” I will admit sitting in the waiting room is scary but I have never had a bad experience with the staff and the same people who administered my oral abortion have done countless birth control appointments and GYNO appointments. Come to think of it I have never even had a male doctor there, so precious one don’t be afraid it will all work out in the end, no matter what you decide its your life, your decision, your body. These people will not be affected in any way, their lives will not stop or halt because you put your body first. I need you to know that there will never be anything to fear. I mourn the life there was everyday but I know I made the right decision and it will not be a nightmare life they want to scare you into thinking.

  • ls

    If all of the women who feel this way about their past would be willing to share their stories, many lives could be saved. Thank you, Christina, for being so honest. As a male pro-lifer, I wish there was more I could do to help. The truth is, though, that no one is better positioned to help those considering abortions to see the error in that decision than other women who have realized their own mistakes. I imagine, Christina, that you will never know how many lives you have saved through this testimony, both babies and mothers.

    Check out Genesis 50:20. The story is different but the theme is the same. God never wanted you to suffer, but He can use your story to help others, and that will bring healing to you as well.

    Finally, I just want to note that the day my daughter was born was one of the best days of my life. Every time I think about it I start to tear up. When I think about how this miracle, this moment of heaven, is so often turned into a taste of hell, it makes me feel aggrieved.

  • laced_rinoa

    Please everyone- Understand this is NOT typical. Yes, I have had an abortion and could not care less your opinion on my choice or reasoning. The staff was very informative and nice. There is HIPAA and verifying who you are.

    They told me all steps, ALL of other choices besides abortion. There was no one-sided. There was no pressure. I came in scared also. Who wouldn’t?

    Next, about adoption- Does anyone realize how many children already need adopting? How many are about to turn of age without ever having been adopted? How many adults out there who were not adopted? Why?? Because someone else was adopted instead. Because someone decided against abortion as they were pressured.

    I am pro-choice. I am for each persons choice on what to do with their own pregnancy but not mine. It is not their business.

    It is a medical procedure. Yes, there is pain. There is pain in other procedures as well. A wisdom tooth extraction- painful but I guess since it is, I should leave it alone right? Let my body take its course as my body would with a pregnanct? **cue facepalm to any idiot that is going to try and attack me, implying that a tooth and baby are the same**

    The person in this story made a decision. She changed her opinion after. That’s her….CHOICE. 🙂

  • Yasmine Anderson

    I don’t understand how people can be so worried about what’s going to happen between God and I. I will talk with God on my own when the time comes and you have no power or right to force your opinions or views on me and condem me to hell just because I am not like you. A woman’s vagina is her vagina. She washes it, she keeps it healthy, and she alone decides what happens to it. Women pay taxes too just in case you forgot for all the men that consider their tax dollars wasted. This post seems to be her trying to make up for something like she feels guilty. There are women out there who do everything right and still gets pregnant and there are some that get pregnant for having reckless sex. There are women who already had no choice in getting pregnant. There are women that simply don’t want to push a baby out of their vagina or to have a scar running along their belly because the baby had to get cut out. Not only that but pregnancy isn’t a walk in the park. It can damage your body beyond what it already does to every woman , and it can kill you. everyone only pays attention to good pregnancies. The point is a woman should not be bullied because of what she decides to do with the body she alone was given.

  • Andria Johnson

    I have to say, before reading your story I thought to consider myself pro-choice, but now after reading I’m definitely reconsidering my stance. In many ways I do think it should be a woman’s choice whether to abort or not simply because every woman’s situation and reason for wanting the abortion is different. At the same time I know that I could never be a part of killing an innocent life that I helped create, it is just a horribly heartless thing to do. After reading your story, I think you are right, women who are considering abortion need to be more aware of what this decision entails and what kind of pain and emotion they might experience. They need to hear the horror stories because that will tell them what they know in their heart is the right thing to do and if they can live with the decision that they make. Your story is truly and eye opener and needs to be told.

  • vrich

    I found your blog when searching about effects of abortion on women for my health class. Your blog gave me a lot of insight into what you went through. Thank you for sharing your experience and promoting awareness of the long-term issues. I hope you have found peace.

  • Anna Hauer

    Thank you for telling your personal story, it has really helped me with my project and understanding the long term effects on mothers after having an abortion. I liked how you shared your story and hope it can help people going through a tough decision like abortion.

  • vam

    Thank you for sharing your experience, that is incredibly brave of you considering the “feminist” discourse being so adamant about the “right to have an abortion”. Whatever the reason it doesn’t seem fair to prevent a life. I found out I was pregnant at planned parenthood and it put me under a lot of distress, I was literally hysterical. For me it was having to be with my partner in a more permanent context. I definitely was trying to end the relationship, it was a relationship of 7 years with significant moments of toxicity. The staff immediately recommended abortion so non-nonchalantly, as if it was a no-brainer. I definitely feel like it wasn’t a neutral space and would have appreciated a more supportive advocate. A lot of the resources that assist in resilience and sustainability tend to be religious non-profits, I’m a spiritualist but that really speaks to society’s need to be so far removed without looking at the needs of our communities. I am a feminist but above all I am a humanist. I think making a procedure like this illegal is unjust but I strongly believe that an abortion is essentially taking someones life. Reasons for abortion generally concentrate as being financially/career motivated, we should invest in resources to assist in unplanned pregnancies. I also advocate for Copper IUD and other more long term birth control, or even procedures to prevent having children if someone really doesn’t want children. Abortion and women empowerment do not go hand in hand. Let’s change the rhetoric…

    • vam

      Also we need to have more feminists aggressively marching in the streets for the right of equal wages, the end of glass ceilings, paternity and maternity leave, and student-parent rights! Creating family friendly spaces should be led by women and men alike. The happiness of any society begins with the well-being of families that live in it.

  • Kat Ketcham-Garry

    Thank you for sharing what really happens during this life changing “choice”. Your experience mirrors mine. I have been hard pressed to find testimonies that show the darker side of this procedure. I thought I was the only one living this nightmare. God bless you for having the courage to speak truth.