It’s always bizarre to me that the Business whose solemn duty it is to a) get the world to like them and b) chant the mantra, “keep the government out of our bedrooms!” seems to be all about getting into our bedrooms, and being disliked by just about everyone.
Right guys, because that’s not entirely creepy or anything. Now, I know, I know: You’d like to imagine every couple is yelling “Planned Parenthood!” in the throes of their passionate sex, but in this case — as in the case of your use of statistics — what you’d like to imagine is ridiculous. Believe it or not, there are those of us who resent your ever constant insertion of self into the intimate marital act. There are those of us who resent the fact that you make continuous cash off of people’s sex lives, what with your bad sex-education and intentionally crappy contraception that leads to the big money maker — Abortion. There are those of us who resent the role you’ve played in cheapening our culture’s view of sex — your inhuman attempt to make that particular joy particularly boring. Luckily, with your new ad campaign, everyone gets the chance to resent you, if only for the fact that you’ve managed to isolate your demographic to creepers, and made everyone’s metro ride more depressing than it already is:
Evil never looked so stupid. Seriously, do you imagine that this will improve your rapidly decaying image amidst the residents of Northern New England, where there have already been attempts to defund you? I am offended, not as a pro-lifer, but as a human being with a basic conception of the utterly tactless. May you fail as swiftly as you seem set out to. Oh, and before I forget:
No you’re not.