A woman in the United Kingdom (UK) who found out she was conceived using donor sperm said the realization made her life collapse, causing immense emotional upheaval.
Laura Bridgens told the Independent that she asked her mother for an Ancestry DNA test for a Christmas gift one year; several months later, her mother came clean. Bridgens had been conceived through in-vitro fertilization (IVF), using donor sperm. “She gave me a pair of jeans as a present and said the DNA kit hasn’t turned up,” Bridgens said. “We went into a hard [COVID-19] lockdown and I didn’t see her until February [2021]. She came to see me and handed me a letter and then proceeded to tell me what the letter said.”
The information caused Bridgens’ life to collapse, with her likening it to the crashing of a Jenga tower. “Everything looks slightly different now you know this,” she said. “It shakes things up. It really gets under your skin. It’s not something you get over. It’s very much a lifelong situation.”
Though she has met her biological father’s family and is getting to know them, she said it was a difficult and “undignified” search. She also explained that building a bond with them hasn’t been easy.
“Your existence is like a satellite in so many ways,” she said. “You’re linked to them but then you are still very much a satellite part of it. You second guess most interactions – you are trying to be your best self, you are still trying to get them to like you.”
READ: Donor-conceived individuals in UK will soon be able to get info on biological parents
She further added that the rights of donor-conceived children need to be better protected. “Learning you are donor conceived creates a lot of questions without answers causing strain on mental health and wellbeing,” she said. “There is no finality to your experience – you have the possibility of relatives popping up for the rest of your life.”
The UK is changing the law to allow donor-conceived children to find out information about their biological parents upon request, and by 2030, an estimated 11,427 adults will be able to request information about their parents. Yet Bridgens said the change does not go far enough. Instead of waiting for a request, she argued that donor-conceived people should be told about their biological background from the beginning.
“It is in the best interests of donor conceived people to tell them, and then it’s their choice what they choose to do with that. It’s about donor conceived people holding the key to their own origins. It is understood to be quite fundamental to know where you’ve come from,” she said.
“It doesn’t sit well that the fertility industry and the government have decided we are not to know. There are so many people living without that information right now. You can’t exercise a right if you don’t know you’re entitled to it.”
