Jane Smith* (not her real name) was a college student studying art and happily living with a family on a ranch, when she discovered she was pregnant. She suspected she had conceived when she met up with her high school boyfriend over Christmas break.
Smith told Live Action News, “We had been partying and I was ‘high as a kite,’ so I am surprised I even knew what was going on that night. When I shared news about my pregnancy with the family at the ranch where I lived, they encouraged me to get an abortion.”
She called her boyfriend who was attending another college and asked him for the money to get the abortion. In her spirit, she knew it was wrong to abort a child, but in her family, abortion was never discussed.
“I grew up in the church but nobody in my family nor even at church ever talked about not engaging in sex before marriage or about abortion,” Smith said. “So, while at college, I bought into the propaganda that as women, we’re in charge of our bodies and if I get pregnant, I’d just have an abortion because it is just a clump of cells after all.”
Yet, when it did happen, her cavalier attitude didn’t seem quite appropriate any longer.
Smith said, “I knew what I was doing wasn’t right. I loved my boyfriend and always thought we’d marry. At the clinic, they didn’t provide other alternatives to abortion.”
When Smith awoke after the procedure, she felt horrible, as if she had sustained a gaping hole in her soul.
“It’s like they pacify you after you’ve just had your baby torn from your womb,” Smith said. “It’s akin to giving you some milk and cookies, patting you on the head and sending you on your way.”
Depressed, Smith began smoking pot to deaden the pain. She broke up with her boyfriend and subsequently dropped out of college, relinquishing an education at a prestigious school, and started working at a restaurant.
Smith said, “I felt like I was going nowhere but I just couldn’t deal with anything at the time.”
Eventually, she got involved in the theatre and started pursuing her interests, yet still felt damaged from the abortion. Four years later, she was in another relationship, and became pregnant again.
“I was way off the reservation, totally disconnected from God, sleeping with a man I didn’t love,” Smith said. “So, I had another abortion, telling him my decision was not up to him. He was deeply hurt, and I was disgusted with myself.”
A year later Smith had moved on from that boyfriend and was now involved with the theatre director when she became pregnant for a third time.
Smith said, “This time, my baby was planned. I knew I was never going to turn my womb into a tomb again. When I had my son, it was very healing for me.”
She married and started traveling extensively with the theatre. But her life took a dark turn when she became immersed in witchcraft, paganism, and New Ageism. For 40 years she “worked for the enemy” and eventually divorced.
A mother’s prayers are instrumental
The turning point came when her mother suffered a serious health crisis.
“I was taking care of my mother and learned she had been praying for me,” Smith said. “During one point while in the room with her, I could feel the Holy Spirit pouring into me. I opened my heart to my mother and asked for forgiveness. It was then I became born again in the Spirit.”
She wept as she recalled the memories of the two abortions that she had tried to block for so long.
She returned to church and would soon be called to grassroots activism as a volunteer with the Center for Bio-Ethical Reform (CBR), a pro-life advocacy with a mission to “establish prenatal justice and the right to life for the preborn, the disabled, the infirm, the aged and all vulnerable peoples” through innovative pro-life resources, educational projects, and campaigns.
Smith said, “I had gone back to church and [was participating in the church] worship team when our leader announced one day we’d be praying outside of Planned Parenthood. When I saw a group holding graphic and tragic pictures of aborted babies, I was told it was people with CBR.”
A transformed life
It wasn’t long after that churches were shuttered as result of the Covid pandemic. But Smith’s worship leader continued to hold services in his home. There, Smith asked to be baptized and shared her testimony about her two abortions.
“For the first time, I felt free,” Smith said. “I laid bare all my shame, sorrow and grief and it so therapeutic.”
She has visited college campuses with CBR telling her compelling story, hoping to reach young people with a pro-life message.
Smith said, “These young people are the same age as I was when I had my first abortion and I felt it was important to reach out to them.”
Just a year ago, she attended a Deeper Still retreat, a non-judgmental space where women and men can learn to break free from the bonds of pain inflicted by abortion, learn self-forgiveness and attain restoration.
Smith said, “I went through the darkness, living a reckless life, but the Lord has used me for His purpose since I was radically saved nine years ago. I love sharing how Jesus transformed my life because he can do the same for any life.”
