Stephanie Jackson was raised in a faith-based home, a haven where she always felt “safe.” At 16, she was dating a young man who shared her faith. Six months into the romance, Jackson discovered she was pregnant.
She soon found herself alone inside a Planned Parenthood facility while her boyfriend waited in the car.
Jackson told Live Action News, “I didn’t quite understand what was inside of my own body. My mother and I had never discussed reproductive health. I was very vulnerable at the time, believing the lies Planned Parenthood told me about my baby being a blob of tissue.”
Living a lie
When she asked if she could get her boyfriend so he could be with her, the staff member told her no, that she wouldn’t need him, that only they could “help” her.
At the time, she was more concerned about trying to hide the fact that she was sexually active from her parents and others — and, although she didn’t understand what abortion entailed, she knew she was about to do something terrible.
“I was lying to myself, lying to my parents — and lying always creates chaos,” Jackson said. “I felt in my spirit that something was wrong but being isolated from my boyfriend, I made the choice to have the abortion.”
Shortly afterward, her boyfriend ended the relationship and Jackson’s life spiraled out of control. She engaged in risky sexual behavior and became embroiled in an affair with an older man. “I had lost all inclination of who God said I was,” she said. “I was suffering from imposter syndrome; I wasn’t the person everyone thought I was.”
Just a year after her abortion, Jackson became pregnant and found herself again contemplating abortion.
“I was 17 years old, involved with an older man, wondering how I could have this baby if I didn’t have the first one with a man I wanted to be with,” Jackson said. “I was adamant that I was going to have the abortion alone. I didn’t want my partner with me.”
This time, Jackson went to a teaching university where she was completely sedated, but recalls the procedure was excruciatingly painful. As she was wheeled into the “recovery room,” she could hear the moans and soft cries of the women who had gone before her.
WATCH: Can’t Stay Silent: The Reality of Abortion Regret, Trauma, and Healing
Jackson said, “It wasn’t long after that I was escorted out the back door and told to come back for a checkup, but I knew I wasn’t going to go back.”
Later, she would wonder if her baby had been harvested, and has initiated an investigation.
Still in contact with her first boyfriend who had moved on to a different relationship in college, the couple decided to renew their relationship. Jackson became pregnant again.
“I got pregnant for a third time, but I knew I wasn’t going to have another abortion,” Jackson said. “My boyfriend proposed marriage, and the night before our wedding, I miscarried. I wasn’t sure if he wanted to go through with the ceremony, but he assured me he did.”
While on her honeymoon three days later, Jackson experienced hemorrhaging, requiring her to undergo a dilation and curettage (D&C) procedure to remove tissue from her uterus.
Jackson said, “The next day I went home and opened up wedding gifts, like nothing ever happened, keeping the miscarriage a secret like I had kept the abortions secret.”
Healing spurs new mission to help other post-abortive women and launch a ministry
But as time went on, Jackson suffered from bouts of anger and depression. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in her late 20s by her doctor, to whom she did not reveal her abortions.
Jackson visited other mental health care professionals, desperate to get answers, and was finally told she wasn’t bipolar.
“My doctor misdiagnosed me, but once I opened up to him, I learned it was really unresolved grief,” Jackson said. “I had a lot of anger inside I had suppressed. Women don’t often correlate the link to their psychological problems with their abortions.”
After 32 years of marriage and five children together, Jackson’s marriage to her husband ended in divorce. Jackson says the divorce “prompted me to think more about the abortions. My husband never wanted to talk about it. I called my parents and confessed, telling them I needed healing.”
Healing came after she attended a fundraiser for Found & Woven, a post-abortion support ministry. She enrolled in the program and there met Terri Baxter, who became her mentor and was instrumental in encouraging Jackson to volunteer for the H3 Helpline, a Texas-based ministry with a charter to help women hurting from abortion.
“I was volunteering about 48 hours a week initially,” Jackson said. “It is heartbreaking to hear the abortion stories. I recall seeing my baby in the toilet after my miscarriage so I can understand what women who have had chemical abortion are experiencing. I think God uniquely prepared me for this mission.”
Today, she’s volunteering one day a week, having recently launched a ministry of her own. While it’s in the early stages, her charter is to educate church and political leaders about the horror of abortion by encouraging women across the country to tell their stories.
Jackson said, “There’s not enough women telling their stories. You just need a one-minute, powerful testimony to make an impact. I’ve been working with women to encapsulate their testimonies into compelling sound bites.”
She envisions training an army of resilient women who will meet church leaders and legislators where they are, bringing abortion to the forefront. Her goal is to build a clearinghouse of women standing ready to tell their stories.
“I am equipping these women with the shield of God to go forth and wage a war against abortion,” Jackson said. “As post-abortive women, we come from a unique perspective. But importantly, we are dedicated warriors in this fight.”
