Christine Harrington fell away from her Catholic faith after her divorce. Then, in her early thirties, she was living with a man when she learned she was pregnant — and he insisted she have an abortion. She felt it best to leave the relationship and move back to her hometown, hoping to make a fresh start. But there, she faced the same pressure to abort – this time from her mother.
Harrington told Live Action News, “My mother was the biggest catalyst to my decision to end my pregnancy. She was so worried about me bringing shame to the family and she was concerned I wouldn’t be able to raise a baby on my own. The stress was intense and consistent.”
Harrington went forward with the abortion but doesn’t remember much about that day other than she felt emboldened to “live it up” since she was now a “fallen woman.”
“I thought, I’m going to hell so I’m just going to live it up,” Harrington said. “I got involved with another man and became pregnant again.”
Yet another conflict with her mother spurred Harrington to schedule her second abortion. This time, she was hoping for someone — anyone — to tell her she didn’t have to terminate her pregnancy, but no other options were offered at the abortion business.
Instead, the abortion facility staff gave her reasons to move forward in having the abortion.
Harrington said, “I felt like I was a piece of machinery on an assembly line, waiting for a procedure that would take the life of my child.”
While she lay on the table, the abortionist informed Harrington that she was carrying twin babies.
“I yelled at him to please stop, but he told me it was too late,” Harrington said.
Third pregnancy a way to make amends for past abortions
With the condemning words of her mother, “you made your bed…,” ringing in her ears, Harrington’s self esteem hit rock bottom. She returned to her abusive boyfriend after the abortion and almost immediately became pregnant again.
Harrington said, “I had to make amends somehow and getting pregnant soon after my abortion was my way of doing that.” This desire for a replacement child or “atonement” child soon after an abortion is not uncommon among post-abortive women.
While Harrington was in labor, she was rushed into surgery for an emergency cesarean (C-section) and woke up four days later.
“It was such a precarious time for both my son and me,” Harrington said. “We both ‘died’ in surgery but were revived. My son had a collapsed lung and had to be on a ventilator. Doctors gave him a 50% chance of surviving. He was kept in the hospital for two weeks.”
Harrington had the hospital chaplain pray over her tiny baby and credits that prayer for his healing.
Six months after her son was born, Harrington left her boyfriend and tried to adjust to life as a single mother. She struggled with bonding with her baby, afraid she might “hurt” him unintentionally.
Harrington said, “I felt like such a fraud as a mother. What kind of mother kills the sibling of her child? I had convinced myself I was a monster who didn’t deserve to be a mother.”
Stifling the memories of her abortions, left Harrington feeling anxious and depressed, living every day in “survival mode.”
Path toward healing and pro-life advocacy
“I couldn’t heal myself and knew I needed help,” Harrington said. “My mother had given me a priest’s contact information in case I needed to talk to someone. I went to confession and sobbed as I spilled out all my guilt and shame.”
Expecting to be “excommunicated,” Harrington was met with compassion and understanding. The priest advised she seek healing at Rachel’s Vineyard retreat and two months later, she did.
Harrington said that the day she confessed to the priest was the anniversary of the day Roe was decided by the Supreme Court.
When Harrington’s son was 16 years old, she felt it was time to come clean with him, especially since now she was a trained facilitator with Rachel’s Vineyard and a Catholic pro-life speaker.
“My son looked at me in horror, exclaiming that he could have had a sibling while growing up,” Harrington said. “He wanted to know why I didn’t just abort him, too. He said he didn’t know if he could ever forgive me.”
She gave him time to process what she had revealed. He eventually chose to forgive her, though he didn’t thoroughly understand why Harrington chose to abort her two previous children.
Harrington said, “Still, he did come to my speeches and began to understand the pain of abortion and why, at first, I was so emotionally distant from him. He knows now how abortion disconnects women spiritually and emotionally from others.”
Today, her son is married. He and his wife are parents to a son and are both pro-life advocates.
“Planned Parenthood doesn’t tell women the truth about abortion, about how it destroys souls,” Harrington said. “Nobody could condemn me more than I did myself. But God saw my heart, my pain and suffering and offered grace and mercy.”
She recalls a near death experience that occurred during her Cesarean surgery. As she lay on the table during childbirth, she floated lazily toward the ceiling when everything suddenly turned black.
Harrington said, “I pleaded with God not to send me to hell, which is where I thought I was headed, when I saw a bright, white light ahead. I could feel the warmth and love from God although I did not see him. I had a choice: stay or go back. I wanted to go back for my son, but it was such a beautiful place that I wanted to remain. I learned from this experience how deeply God loves all of us.”
For Harrington, it’s a memory that sustains her during the most challenging of times and fuels her passion for pro-life outreach.
