Tammy Holly was a good Christian girl who attended church every Sunday. When she faced an unplanned pregnancy at the age of 17, she was coerced by her boyfriend and parents to end her pregnancy. What was shocking however, was that her parents had been counseled by their pastor that abortion was the best solution for Holly and her family.
Holly told Live Action News, “The abortion had already been prearranged and paid for with ‘blood money.’ No other surgical procedure requires payment up front. I didn’t have a choice.”
On the day of the surgery, the doctor asked Holly if she was consenting to the procedure.
“I told him absolutely not,” Holly said. “He said that I’d have to talk to my parents which would have been fruitless. They were instrumental in me having the abortion. I was like a frightened animal that was backed into a corner.”
The pressure she felt was intense. She was at 11 weeks gestation, close to the 12-week limit when abortions could legally be performed, and her anxious parents wanted it over quickly.
Holly said, “They told me the procedure was simple, but it was very painful. I was given a sedative but could hear the awful sound of the suction machine ripping my baby from my womb. As my body convulsed, three nurses held me down and told me to be quiet as to not disturb others who were waiting for their abortions.”
The pain of abortion reverberates for years
Afterward, Holly felt violated and empty. A myriad of emotions swirled inside, including grief and sadness. She blamed herself for caving into pressure and subverting her own feelings.
“I struggled with severe depression and contemplated suicide,” Holly said. “I wanted my baby, but I buckled to what others wanted for me.”
Yet Holly continued her relationship with her boyfriend and they married two years afterward, as she ignored the red flags that would later prove consequential. She became pregnant again, hoping for a baby to replace the child she had aborted, but her second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.
Holly said, “This pregnancy was supposed to be my restitution for the baby I had lost. I was crushed when I miscarried. I wanted this child so much. I felt God was punishing me for the abortion I had. But I was never informed that the risks of suffering miscarriages after abortions were high.”
READ: U.S. Bishops’ message to post-abortive women: ‘Come home to Jesus’ during Lent
Five years after her abortion, Holly delivered a healthy son. Ironically, the obstetrician who brought her baby into the world was the same man who terminated her first pregnancy. During her prenatal exam, she learned about fetal development through the models she was shown at the doctor’s office. It struck her that she had not been shown these models before her abortion.
“I asked the office administrator if they had the fetal models when I had my abortion and she told me they had,” Holly said. “I became very angry and asked why I hadn’t been schooled in fetal development at that time.”
For Holly, the joys of new motherhood eluded her. She felt no attachment to her son. In her heart, she believed she didn’t really deserve to be a mother. She subsequently discovered that it’s not uncommon for post-abortive women to have difficulties bonding with their first child after an abortion.
Holly said, “Being a first-time parent was taxing both mentally and physically. I would just let my son lay on the floor crying and cover him with a blanket.”
Her marriage had devolved into an abusive, dysfunctional relationship which added more strain on her.
“The abortion affected me in so many ways,” Holly said. “Physically through my miscarriage, sexual dysfunction, my inability to bond with my son and self-destructive habits. I became a workaholic to distract myself from thinking about the abortion.”
After 23 years, Holly’s marriage came to an end. She initially felt anger and bitterness towards her husband for wanting to end their baby’s life, but chose to forgive him to release the anger and hate she’d bottled up within.
Holly said, “So much of my life was messed up and broken. I couldn’t fix those areas until I surrendered to Jesus Christ and let him take control of my pain. That’s when my life was transformed.”
Her healing journey led to a mission of helping other women find redemption after abortion loss
When a pregnancy center was launched locally, Holly went to a meeting to learn more and got involved with the center.
“I started my own healing journey and became a pro-life advocate,” Holly said. “I found that abortion recovery plays a huge part in helping women find redemption and joy. Jesus can put the broken pieces back together as only He can.”
Since 1988, Holly has been an abortion recovery facilitator. She became involved with Operation Outcry in 2001, sharing her testimony to further pro-life legislation at a federal level.
Holly said, “I will always have the memory of a child who could have been. That will never go away. Abortion hurts and victimizes women and because of that, I refuse to be silent. But God is good and faithful. He has restored the years the locusts have eaten. My mission now is to help other women find mercy and forgiveness. I strive to make a difference one person at a time.”
