A story in the U.S. Sun revealed the sad story of a post-abortive woman who had an abortion because she was couldn’t afford childcare, and was afraid of the health effects another pregnancy would have on her. But now, she says she can’t let go of the guilt.
Going by the pseudonym “Abigail,” she explained to the Sun how she and her husband wanted to start a family quickly. “Within a year of our wedding in 2009, we started trying for a baby, and were thrilled to conceive after four months,” she said. “Then I was diagnosed with extreme morning sickness, which Kate Middleton famously suffered with, and was hospitalised multiple times with severe dehydration. But when I finally got to hold my baby in my arms, all the sickness was immediately worth it for the feelings of love.”
Though her husband had a vasectomy, they were shocked to find out Abigail was pregnant again, six months later — and the hyperemesis gravidarum was even worse this time. “I took a test in our bathroom at home and sobbed in Jake’s arms when I saw it was positive,” she said. “Apparently, only around two women in every 1,000 still become pregnant after their partner has had a vasectomy and I struggled to believe I was one of them.”
Together, she and her husband agreed they couldn’t afford another baby.
“The age gap between our youngest and a new baby would be just over two years, meaning that if we went ahead with the pregnancy, they’d be in nursery at the same time, which would cost £1,800 a month,” she said. “At the time, I was reaching the end of an extended maternity leave and about to go back to work part-time. The £900 a month we already paid for our youngest to be in nursery was a stretch and doubling that was untenable. We also had to be realistic and acknowledge the fact that the financial implications of a third child would be detrimental to the family as a whole.”
Though she said they were “heartbroken,” they thought abortion was their best option. But the decision, even then, was beginning to haunt her.
“You could argue that it’s just cells the collective size of a pea in those early weeks, but it was impossible not to feel an emotional and physical attachment to the tiny being that was growing inside me,” she admitted. “Thinking of all the women who would give anything to be able to conceive only compounded the torment. Sitting in the hospital before my termination with the knowledge of what I was about to do was absolutely heart-wrenching.”
She said she was given a general anesthetic for the procedure, and when she woke up, she immediately burst into tears and began apologizing.
“My own guilt at deciding to end that tiny life will never leave me,” she said. “Even though our choice was the right one, inevitably there are lingering thoughts about what could have been. But the current cost of living crisis is a reminder that we made the right decision for us. Like most families, our finances are now more stretched than ever. We waited until late November to put the heating on and only then for an hour or so at a time to take the chill off the air. Instead, we wrapped up in layers and blankets in the house to keep warm. We’re also keeping a close eye on our spending on food shopping in order to ensure its being kept within our strict budget.”
Unfortunately, Abigail’s story is far from unusual. Women often undergo abortions not because they want to, but because they feel they have no other choice. Pregnant women in school rarely have resources allowing them to succeed as both a student and a mother, leading many to think their only option is to either drop out, or have an abortion. It’s also not unusual for women to face pregnancy discrimination in the workplace, or be coerced into abortion by their partner or by family members.
Women like Abigail deserved better. No one should feel their only choice is to be able to feed their born children or have an abortion, or worry that they won’t be able to afford child care. Women and children deserve support, so no one ever feels like abortion is their only option.
