When Brenda Bauer started dating her boyfriend, she was seeking to fill a void left by her mother’s death. But she soon discovered when she became pregnant that the man with whom she had been living wasn’t really interested in pursuing a serious relationship.
Bauer told Live Action News, “I didn’t have strong ties with my dad, so at the time, I was looking for love in all the wrong places. Because my mother never talked about sex and was very overprotective, I was such a naïve young woman.”
As Bauer would soon find out, her mother had been keeping secrets throughout her life, one of which was that Bauer’s father was illiterate.
“My mom was good at sweeping things under the rug,” Bauer said. “When she became stricken with cancer, she didn’t talk about it. While I was an only child and as such, was close to my mother, there was never any authentic communication between us.”
At the time of her unplanned pregnancy, Bauer’s father was drinking to numb the pain of loss and she had moved to live with a former neighbor, having learned her boyfriend had an unsavory background. Lonely and conflicted, she didn’t know in whom to confide and decided to talk with her father.
Bauer said, “My father immediately told me I had to ‘get rid’ of it. He stressed that [neither of us] could handle raising a child; the timing wasn’t right. I had no idea where to go and I couldn’t depend on my father who clearly couldn’t help me figure it out, so I was on my own.”
At the women’s clinic, she recalls the staff being kind and compassionate, telling her that the abortion procedure would be easy — as simple as removing a “blob of tissue” from her womb. Afterward, she went on birth control to prevent another pregnancy.
“I never again wanted to have another abortion,” Bauer said. “I did, though, take friends to get abortions. It was quite the paradox.”
Struggling with depression after two losses
At first, Bauer’s life went on as it had before her abortion. But soon Bauer battled severe depression and was admitted to the hospital.
Bauer said, “I didn’t have much familial support when my mother died so it was rough. In retrospect, I think the depression stemmed both from my mother’s untimely death and the abortion. I just didn’t realize it at the time.”
After a brief courtship, Bauer married and hoped to start a family, yet thoughts of her abortion haunted her. Not wanting to keep the tradition of secrets, she had confessed to her husband about the abortion.
“As I was not yet a believer, I saw God as a ‘zapping God’ who took away my mother,” Bauer said. “I thought God would ‘zap’ me for aborting my baby. I feared my husband and I would be denied the chance at having children.”
Yet Bauer became pregnant with a son. Shortly after his birth, she was hospitalized a second time for depression. She was in and out of counseling throughout the years as she struggled to manage her illness. Around this time, she accepted Christ as her Savior.
Bauer said, “It’s funny how people think that just because you’re a Christian, you don’t have challenges. It’s as if all your problems vanish the moment you turn your life over to Jesus. We will always face obstacles but now I know where to go for strength.”
Making a difference in the pro-life movement by speaking out
Drawn to the pro-life movement, Bauer frequently attended pregnancy support banquets, where she once heard Focus on the Family’s Julie Parton speak. Her message resonated with Bauer, who was inspired to volunteer at a pregnancy support center.
“The doors really started to open then,” Bauer said. “I started as a volunteer then got on the board and eventually became director when the position opened. To think that initially, I didn’t feel qualified to volunteer at a pregnancy support center because of my background.”
Another volunteer who had a passion for post-abortive healing launched a “Surrendering the Secret” Bible study, which Bauer attended while also enrolled in Beth Moore’s “Breaking Free” course at her church.
Bauer said, “I hadn’t been comfortable with publicizing my story. Yet I knew the importance of being open and transparent in the healing process. Eventually, I wanted to speak out.”
Still, Bauer was discouraged from telling her story at the Methodist church where she attended, unless it was in a small setting like a Bible study group. For Bauer, an opportunity came when she spoke to a group of pastors at a town ministerium. From there, additional opportunities opened to share her story, and Bauer began earnestly sharing her testimony.
“As I spoke at churches, you could see the countenances on people’s faces change,” Bauer said. “Somebody had the courage to speak about abortion which prompted others to come forward as well – like a female pastor who revealed about her abortion. For her, it was a bold move. One woman was inspired to drive 30 miles to attend an abortion healing study.”
There’s much information, Bauer notes, to support the fact that of life begins at the moment of fertilization. It’s important that information is shared because people are not prone to educating themselves. Instead, they listen to the loudest voices shouted from the pro-abortion industry.
Bauer said, “We need to have more of a voice in this debate and get the message out to people from all walks of life. It wasn’t God’s choice for me to have an abortion, but God can turn a mess into a message. It’s time for our message to be heard above the misinformation and deception of the pro-abortion side.”
