Chris and Melissa Near lost so much when their daughter was stillborn at 35 weeks gestation, but channeled their grief and pain to minister to other couples impacted by pregnancy and infant loss.
Near’s second pregnancy was normal throughout. In fact, her baby, whom the couple named “Callie Jo,” was very active in the womb — unlike her older child, Alex, who was a bit more subdued.
She told Live Action News, “She was such an energetic baby and would respond to voices asking her to kick. My oldest child loved coming up to my belly and talking to her. We felt such a connection to her.”
At the 35-week mark, Near felt something was different, yet didn’t know what. It was as if the baby had dropped. When she awoke the next morning, she noticed her stomach looked flatter and “jiggly,” not as round and hard as usual. Her baby was suddenly silent, no movement was felt.
“My husband usually called me during the day, and when he did, I told him I couldn’t feel our baby moving any longer,” Near said. “I wasn’t sure what to do, so I just went about my day. My sister-in-law is a nurse so I eventually called her to her to see what I should do.”
She was told to contact the doctor on call who advised her to come to the hospital.
A devastating and unexplained loss
Near said, “I was put into the birthing center where they checked to see if the baby had a heartbeat. I was told that no heartbeat was detected.”
But the attending nurse told Near not to worry, and that sometimes it’s hard to perceive a heartbeat. The doctor ordered an ultrasound and Near was escorted to another room where her husband and sister-in-law joined her.
“We were devastated when the doctor who was conducting the ultrasound turned the monitor off, and said, ‘I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat,” Near said. “He gave us some time alone to grasp the news.”
When the doctor returned, he announced that he wanted to do a level 2 ultrasound to gauge if there was blood flow, indicating a chance to save the baby. Near was transported back to the birthing room and by that time, her parents had arrived.
But the news wasn’t as they had hoped, and the couple was given the option of going home and returning the next day to induce Near’s labor.
Near said, “We thought we would have more time. We didn’t have a suitcase packed so all I could think of was to go home and come back the next day. We didn’t sleep at all that night so in retrospect, I should have just stayed. It was such a traumatic time.”
She endured 16 hours of labor, and her sister-in-law finally urged her to get an epidural to relieve the intense pain. “The epidural didn’t help much, and my blood pressure dropped drastically,” Near said. “My mother was afraid she was going to lose me as well.”
When baby Callie was born, she was placed in her mother’s arms. Near sang to her, rocked her, and showered her with love.
But the Nears wanted answers as to why their seemingly healthy late-term baby perished in the womb. “We requested an autopsy to get some answers,” Near said. Nothing definitive was determined; doctors could only speculate that given her high activity level in the womb, it was possible that Callie died due to compression of the umbilical cord which may have gotten wrapped up in an arm or leg and cut off blood flow.
Near said, “It was going to be hard to tell our son. When I arrived home from the hospital, he came up to me and wanted to talk to his sister in my belly like he usually does. I told him she was in heaven.”
While in the hospital, Near’s husband Chris noticed the same card on another patient’s door as was tacked on their own: a black leaf with a tear to denote a pregnancy loss. Chris knocked on the door, wanting to know how the mom inside was doing.
Chris said, “I prayed with the mom and her grandmother that God’s comfort and peace would surround them.”
The Nears heard of other couples who had lost babies and offered to pray for them.
“My father asked us if we had thought about launching a ministry to help others who were suffering like we were,” Near said. “We felt God was directing us by opening the right doors so we could walk alongside those who were impacted by pregnancy and infant loss. We hadn’t really found any resources that adequately addressed this.”
Ministry providing healing to grieving parents gains international attention
Spurred by a desire to share the love of Christ in a compassionate, non-judgmental arena, the Nears founded Hope From a Healing Heart: Help for Bereaved Parents from Bereaved Parents.
“We realize that others grieve differently and have different views of faith, and we respected that. We just wanted to create a space where everyone felt welcome, loved and supported,” Chris said.
As the couple participated in online grief forums, their ministry grew, gaining the attention of grief-stricken parents worldwide. Women who were post-abortive were drawn to the Nears’ ministry, finding healing through their compassion and acceptance.
“It’s not just about our grief but about the hope we have in Christ,” Chris said. “We can trust him through this deep valley.
Just three years after losing Callie, Near suffered a miscarriage six weeks into her pregnancy.
Today, she and Chris have four living children, in addition to those they lost.
“We have never forgotten our two children who are in heaven,” Near said. “Pregnancy loss is heartbreaking regardless of how far along in the pregnancy. It’s still a precious life that was lost. We are grateful to be able to comfort others in their time of need. And while we’ve stepped away from our ministry, we will always be a phone call away to hurting parents.”
