Dear Britney,
When I saw the headlines that read, “Britney Spears Reveals She Had an Abortion Because Justin Timberlake ‘Didn’t Want to Be a Father,’” my heart sank with sorrow — but not because of political views or religious ideas. My heart aches because I know the pain, regret, and shame that abortion causes.
Even though the abortion hasn’t been confirmed by Justin Timberlake, I believe its important for women who have experienced abortion to know they aren’t alone. There are so many of us who have spent years hiding one of the most traumatic experiences of our lives and many of us believe finding healing is hopeless.
If you have endured this tragedy, I want you to know, Britney, that you are not alone.
In many ways our stories are very different. You’re a star, a household name, and incredibly talented musically. I am none of those things. But behind the glamour, lights, concerts, and paparazzi, we have so much in common.
Like you, I am 41 years old and had an abortion as a teenager. I was desperately in love with the boy who got me pregnant and probably would have gone along with whatever he said to do. But he left the decision up to me, which erupted feelings of helplessness with me. I was terrified and felt alone.
Photo via Tori Shaw (Tori and her boyfriend – now husband – Bryan)
The doctor who told me I was pregnant also made the abortion appointment for me and I went through with it, believing I was too young to be a mother.
An excerpt from your book says, “To this day, it’s one of the most agonizing things I have ever experienced in my life.” I relate so well to those words.
There is nothing like the pain of choosing to end the life of your own child. People say abortion is not something you’ll regret; we’re told it’s the easy, consequence-free answer to what our culture views as “a problem.” But those of us who have experienced this nightmare know that isn’t true.
Like you, I spent years and years never speaking about my abortion. I tried to numb myself with drugs and alcohol, suffered with depression and anxiety, allowed people to treat me terribly, sought love and affection in all the wrong places, and questioned my worth constantly. I got very good at wearing a fake smile and pretending I was fine, but deep down, I was broken and raw.
Like you, when I finally shared my story, I did so publicly and even wrote a book exposing the truth of abortion and the impact it had on me.
READ: An open letter to Nicki Minaj: Thank you for publicly discussing the pain of abortion
In your music video, “Everytime,” I see a very familiar pain in your eyes. It’s the pain of longing to turn back the hands of time. It’s the pain of regret for not seeing clearly so many years ago. It’s the pain of wondering what might have been. It’s the pain of feeling left to carry the weight of such a heavy decision all alone. It’s the pain of looking at your living children and hating yourself for discarding the life of their sibling. It’s the pain of awaiting punishment for your choice. It’s the pain of knowing you were made to be a life-giver, not a life-taker.
The lyrics of “Everytime,” say:
And every time I see you in my dreams.
I see your face, you’re haunting me.
I guess I need you, baby.
The song also says:
I may have made it rain.
Please, forgive me.
My weakness caused you pain.
And this song’s my sorry.
At night, I pray
That soon your face will fade away.
If these lyrics are about an abortion, I want you to know that the desperate feelings of guilt, sorrow, and shame no longer have to be your constant companions. Thinking and dreaming of your baby no longer has to feel like you’re being haunted. You do not have to pray for the memory of your baby to fade away, or to live in agony any longer.
When I finally began talking about my abortion, after 17 years of hiding, I was able to find healing and freedom in Jesus Christ. As I allowed Him to restore my heart, He began using my story to help others find that same healing.
Through my abortion story, God birthed a ministry called Not Forgotten Ministries. We exist to help women find hope and healing after abortion. We provide free online Bible studies and weekend healing retreats, and offer ways for women to honor their babies. God has used this ministry to help women all over the world discover the freedom He wants for them.
He wants that same healing for you, Britney.
Abortion wasn’t the right choice for us to make, but because of God’s great love for us, we are forgiven through Jesus Christ. God is not angry with us, and our babies do not hate us, and we do not have to fear punishment. If we allow Him to, God will make something beautiful out of our biggest mistake.
We will always wish we had made a different choice, but the deep pain and shame we’ve carried will fade away as we allow God to redeem and restore us. We can begin to ponder who our children are without tears and without dread. We can begin to give our aborted children “life” by telling the story we share.
Britney, there is healing after abortion. You are not alone. Not Forgotten Ministries is here for you, to help you discover the healing God desires for you. You are his beloved daughter, and He wants to erase the damage abortion caused and replace it with joy and peace.
By His Grace,
Tori Shaw
