It’s been over two decades since the day a post-abortive woman who blogs under the name Infinite Grace walked into the clinic at age 17 and aborted her daughter. Twenty-six years hasn’t rid her of the guilt and the pain, but she has felt forgiveness from both God and her baby, and she knows that her baby girl, Grace Anne, is with her through each trial and tribulation she endures. She knows she is the answer to winning the right to life for unborn children.
Infinite Grace describes her abortion experience the way many woman have – cold, frightening, and lonely. She went alone to the clinic that day with $300 in her pocket. Three hundred dollars that her mother had given her without her father’s knowledge. Only her mother knew where Infinite Grace was headed that day, and they vowed to never speak of it again.
Once at the clinic, she learned she was 12 weeks pregnant. The counselor told her it wasn’t a baby yet. The abortionist didn’t speak a word to her, didn’t even look at her. She cried throughout the procedure, and she can still recall the gurgling noise of the suctioning machine. After it was over, she straightened her skirt and went home.
She didn’t acknowledge her baby or the abortion again until years later, when she met the man who would become her husband. After that, she sought help from Rachel’s Vineyard and began her healing journey. Today, she attends events like the March for Life, keeping her story to herself because of the harsh reality that some pro-life activists have zero compassion for post-abortive women. Infinite Grace strongly believes that women like her are the ones who will ultimately bring about the end of abortion, but they need to feel more welcome in the pro-life movement. She writes:
[…] I see the post abortive people in this world being the key to the prolife ‘fight.’ 55 million abortions in the United States in the past 40 years – 55 million babies translates to 55 million possible foot soldiers in the prolife fight. 55 million. Even though the prochoice crowd has been chanting for 40 years about how abortion is a choice and a right – those who have chosen to exercise that right mostly remain in the shadows or in secret. Few stand up and shout from the rooftops how fantastic it is that they chose abortion, fewer still stand up and shout how they regret their choice.
She doesn’t believe that every pro-lifer feels that post-abortive women are evil; however, she admits that pro-life events can be one of the scariest places for a post-abortive person like herself. She says there is a deep fear that the “smiley, happy Jesus-loving people will unleash their wrath upon you.” She references a comment on one of her blog posts. It reads:
You. Make. Me. Sick. I sincerely hope you die a death as horrible as your unborn baby did. Good riddance.
It is because of comments like this and the fear she feels while attending pro-life rallies that Infinite Grace urges pro-lifers to reach out to post-abortive women and to embrace them with love and support, allowing them to share their stories in the hope of saving lives. No one knows abortion better than a woman who has suffered through one. And no one can help women who are considering abortion to choose life better than a woman who has been there.
Today, Infinite Grace admits that she has good days and bad days. On bad days she can become “crippled” by guilt and self-loathing. And a good day can turn to a bad day really quickly. On the 25th anniversary of her abortion, Infinite Grace wrote the following to post-abortive women:
The truth of the matter is – you have lost a child. Despite any or all of the circumstances that may or may not have surrounded the loss – your child was killed. I don’t like using that word because it sends shivers up and down my spine, but that is the truth of what happened. 25 years ago, on this day, my daughter was killed. Slowly, tortuously, methodically taken from my womb and deposited somewhere else.
These words of truth, and the woman who wrote them, just may be the answer to ending abortion for good.
