I said my abortion was ‘no biggie.’ Here’s the truth.

“It was an easy decision. After all, I was a feminist…”

Author’s Note: I recently had the privilege of meeting Danielle Taylor. Danielle had a story to tell, and I offered to help share it. This is what she told me.

“No! It’s not time.”

That’s what I thought when the pregnancy test results appeared. I was 22 years old and madly in love. We got high, drank, partied, and there was no way we were going to stop. I had to take care of this.

It was an easy decision. After all, I was a feminist, and my mother had long talked about abortion rights. My boyfriend and future husband supported me too; he was a proud liberal who believed in “choice.” I had also driven someone else to her abortion appointment; we pulled over on the way back so she could throw up. “Promise you won’t ever do this,” she said.

And yet here I was.

I went to Planned Parenthood, and I discovered that their “counselor” was actually a high pressure sales rep. She never mentioned adoption, didn’t seem to care if this was the right decision. No, she just stared, tapped her pen, and prodded me with questions.

“Are you going to schedule the appointment?”

“When are you going to schedule the appointment?”

“You’ll need to pay the full amount upfront — do you have the money?”

I’ve heard abortion advocates say pro-lifers want to reduce women to cattle, which is funny, because that’s exactly how Planned Parenthood made me feel. I was like livestock, just being herded along.

I had an abortion the next week, and a friend took me home. When I cried, she tried to stay positive. It was the right decision, she insisted. I agreed — this was no biggie. Except it was.

I felt relief, but I also felt something else, something I couldn’t quite describe. I knew it wasn’t good, though, and I wanted it to go away. Drugs helped for awhile: pills, booze, weed — I did them all. A lot.

One night, I woke up and saw the Virgin Mary on the wall above my bed. For a long time, I just laid there, and then I eventually got up to use the bathroom. When I returned, I reached out and put my hand against the cold wall. You might think it was a dream, but I knew it was a sign.

My boyfriend and I got married, and we decided to start a family. It had been a couple years since the abortion; I had sobered up, was eating right — doing everything I could to have a healthy pregnancy. Four months in, that changed.

I called my best friend the day I miscarried, and she she held a bag open for me as I placed the body inside. I thought back to the abortion: when I woke up, I asked a staff member, “Did you get it?” I called the fetus “it” then — I had to. But now, as I looked at what was clearly a human being, I couldn’t deny that “it” had been a baby.

My baby.

Things went downhill from there. I had an affair, my marriage ended, and I got into an abusive relationship. Eventually, I met the man who would become my second husband. We wanted to have a child together, but before that happened, my liver gave out. The drugs and alcohol had caught up with me. Not only would I not be a mother, but I also didn’t know if I was going to live. I finally turned to Christ; He didn’t turn away.

That was 15 years ago, and God has blessed me. I’m alive and married to a man of principle. While I have no biological children, I do have 2 wonderful stepchildren, one of whom ministers to death row inmates. I also have two sponsor sons in Kenya; not long ago, the oldest had a daughter. He named her after me.

I wanted to tell my story because there are things women should know. First, abortion isn’t your only alternative to parenting; there are actually more couples seeking to adopt than there are babies available, and they’re easy to find.

Second, you can get advice, material support, or just someone to listen at pregnancy care centers. Care centers operate across the country, and the people there don’t see you as a quick buck.

Third, if you’ve had an abortion and are experiencing guilt, sadness, or anger, you don’t need to hide it. The abortion movement may want to pretend your feelings don’t exist, but pro-lifers want to help you heal. Self-destructive behavior never brought me relief; the Lord did.

I haven’t said these things to many people. However, I’m breaking my silence because I recently came to a decision:

Yes. It is time.