Sarah Francati is sharing the story of how she raised her sister with Down syndrome after their mother was diagnosed with cancer.
Francati was just 15 years old when her mother was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer, she told PEOPLE. Her younger sister, Emily, who has Down syndrome, was five years old at the time. Doctors estimated her mother’s tumor had been growing for 10 years, and her prognosis was poor. She would need to undergo surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. She asked Francati to take over caring for Emily.
“I didn’t have someone who was like, ‘This is what you do, step by step.’ I was like, ‘Well, I know what to do with my other siblings. I’ve done that. Can’t be much different,'” said Francati, who is now 27. “She was sick for years, in and out of the hospital. Emily and I grew incredibly close. I graduated high school early so I could be home, I could be present.”
In a way, that lack of parenting experience helped Sarah to be less fazed by Emily’s Down syndrome. “If she needed help [it] was available to her, but there were never limitations because mainly I didn’t know,” she said. “I have never looked at her and thought to myself, ‘Oh, I need to hide her away. Oh, I need to infantilize her. I need to treat her like a child.'”
@sar_carolyn Its me & you forever. #ourstory #motherhood ♬ Work Song – Other Voices Series 19 – Hozier
In the TikTok video posted above, Sarah stated, “When I was told I couldn’t get pregnant I thought motherhood wasn’t for me. But I soon realized… the universe had already made me one. For 17 years I’ve had the privilege of caring for my sister. I will never be her real mom, but she’s given me the opportunity to feel like one. And if that is all I’m meant to be in this lifetime… that is enough for me.”
Sarah’s TikTok account features Emily in nearly every video, and she frequently talks about her life raising her sister. In one video, she featured photos throughout their life together, and captioned it, “The greatest gift my mom gave me was the opportunity to raise Emily.”
In another video, she wrote, “For the past 15 years I have helped raise you. You have shown me what unconditional love is. I have lost friends, relationships, jobs [because] they don’t understand. They don’t understand that you will always come first. Since I was 16 (I’m 24 now) I knew it would be you [and] me against the world. Life is beautiful because you exist, Emily.” She also got Emily’s name tattooed, using Emily’s handwriting, captioning the video that her sister is her soulmate.
Though the girls’ mother is in remission, she has since had five strokes. So while she has survived her health scares, Francati has continued to be Emily’s main caregiver, to the point where Emily will sometimes call her “Mom.” But Francati has remained dedicated to not just caring for Emily, but making sure their mother is always in the picture.
“I tell people to this day: yes, she’s in remission and yes, she’s here, but it’s not the woman that raised me. She’s not completely well, and chemo brain is a very real thing,” she said. “I wasn’t going to take her away from Emily. That was never part of the goal. I wanted her to be present with her biological mom. There’s study after study showing the importance of that. But for a good 10 years, it was just me and her.”
Because of her responsibility with Emily, Sarah said there were times during college that she was upset that she missed out on the typical college experience – but that in retrospect, she wouldn’t change a thing,” saying, Now I see the other side and I’m like, I don’t regret that at all. I didn’t need it… I was given such a greater job.”
