Despite years of helping to care for his young daughter, a man who acted as ‘sperm donor’ for his lesbian friends lost the latest stage of his paternity action against the lesbians after an appeals court ruling.
It was in 2017 that the lesbian couple, Julianna and Catherine Sheridan, asked their friend Chris Edrington to father a child for them through DIY artificial insemination. He said yes, and Julianna gave birth to a daughter in July 2018. Julianna said there was an unwritten agreement that Edrington would have no legal rights to the child — and because the couple was married, both women are listed as parents on the girl’s birth certificate.
Edrington said he has been a part of the girl’s life from the beginning. He was told when Julianna became pregnant, received calls concerning the pregnancy, was there the day the baby was born, and told his family and friends he was “the father of a healthy baby girl.” He also bought child-care items for his home, including diapers, bedding, toys, a crib, food, and clothing, and took care of her on a weekly and sometimes daily basis. He shared pictures of her on social media, and his family said he is “very proud to be [her] father.”
But after about four years, the couple said they learned Edrington had been referring to himself as the girl’s dad “behind our backs.”
“And that’s when we said, ‘Hey, hold up a second. That wasn’t the agreement.’ It’s not that it was never clear from the beginning, that Chris was not dad. We didn’t refer to him as dad. Our daughter didn’t refer to him as dad. I mean, he was never dad,” said Julianna. They asked him to stop and they limited his contact with the girl. He complied but said it became difficult when his daughter asked him directly if he was her father.
In March 2023, Edrington filed a paternity petition requesting joint legal and physical custody and an order for genetic testing. In April 2023, the women attempted to have his paternity petition dismissed but a district court denied that motion in October.
“Contrary to assertions made in this case, allowing this paternity action to proceed is not an attack on the sanctity of marriage or dismantling years of progress made for and by same-sex couples,” read the district court’s order, which was recommended by Referee Jenese Larmouth and approved by Judge Thomas Gilligan. “District and appellate courts have allowed paternity actions against heterosexual married couples when the circumstances warranted it.”
In response, the women filed a case with the State Court of Appeals in November. This week, the appeals panel ruled in favor of the women, writing that state law prohibits sperm donors from using genetic testing to claim the biological and legal parentage of a child. It also ruled that Edrington’s relationship with the girl did not give him standing to assert paternal rights. It reversed the district court’s ruling and ordered that Edrington’s paternity petition be dismissed.
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Susan Gallagher, Edrington’s attorney, said he is disappointed “as you can imagine. He is considering his options at this time.” He has 30 days to petition the Minnesota Supreme Court to hear his case.
Julianna said the ruling, “felt like a vindication of what we’ve been through.” She and Catherine are raising another child by a different male friend sperm donor whom they said is giving them what they want.
“He’s been what we asked him to be — a donor,” she said, “someone that our children know and care about. And he and his wife care about both of our children, and we get to see them, we get to spend time with them. When our son is old enough, we will explain our donor’s involvement. And it’s just been exactly what we wanted.”
While this may be about what the couple wanted, it does not appear to be in the best interest of children.
Sixty-four percent (64%) of donor-conceived adults agree, “My donor is half of who I am.” According to the organization Them Before Us, “Unfortunately, donor-conceived children are … more likely to struggle than their peers. They are at increased risk of delinquency, substance abuse, and depression. Many report mistrust of family members and they are haunted by the ever-present specter of the circumstances of their conception. Unlike children of divorce, they are more likely to struggle with questions of their identity. Donor conceived children are also more likely to experience family disruption… and divorce.”
Now-adult children raised by lesbian couples who used donor sperm have expressed the damage not having a father has caused them.
“Father’s Day sucks, and my mom thinks its society when really it’s just her,” said one. “I love her but yeesh. She talks about genders like they don’t matter when raising kids. If they don’t why does she wants [sic]me to spend so much time with her guy friends so I can have a father-figure? (JK as if her guy friends love me or relate to me as much as they love and relate with their actual children. Yeah right) … I want to know who my dad is, and a donor# and some basic layout isn’t going to cut it. I need to KNOW him. I need to bond with him and do daddy-daughter things. He’s half of who I am… We’re flesh and blood. He’s literally IN my DNA. Why don’t people get that? If he and my mom were a couple, he’d be my dad. But when my mom is gay and asked him not to be there, he’s just my ‘donor’? Really? Where is my say in this?”
Another said, “I don’t really know if people understand how kick-ass it is that moms like mine had the strength to bring a child into this world on their own. You know, at first, that’s the only way I would look at my situation, that way things were more positive. But in reality, my kick-ass mom never knew and never will know the damage that not having a father has caused me.”
A third explained, “My Moms always made a good image. Smile everybody and pretend to be happy that was our family motto. But I didnt feel happy every time I came home from a friends house and saw how diffrent it was in their homes. My best friends dad was the greatest guy he was funny and nice and always taking us places. He listened to us. I was jealous of my friend and wrote the word Daddy on a peice of paper and put it under my pillow. I wanted a Daddy like my friend had. My friends family all knew how much I liked their Dad cuz I was always asking if I could help him. One day my friends mom asks me are you a Daddys Girl? It means you are the kind of girl who realy loves her Daddy and is real close to him. Well I went home and cried becuz I dont have that and never will know what thats like.”
One in a similar situation to Edrington’s daughter explained, “All my moms want is to have a baby, and have a biological family like everyone else. So I always thought what a terrible bitch (yes bitch) I am to destroy their happiness too, because I wished I just had a dad in my life and not a donor fake uncle. You have no idea how lonely and guilty I feel about this, but maybe you do? I feel like a bad child, especially when I look on TV and I see the good kids of gay parents say they have the perfect family and they don’t need a mom or dad, but you’re all like ‘but I want a dad…sometimes?’”
