(I Am Untold) It started with a long awaited positive pregnancy test – JOY! But that joy quickly faded at the very first ultrasound that revealed my baby’s life and my own were in serious danger. How do you choose between your baby’s life and your own, when everyone is telling you that you have to make that choice?
My story is one of joy, fear, and ABSOLUTE resolve– it is a story of life, faith, and miracles.
It started with a long awaited positive pregnancy test – JOY! Unfortunately, that happiness was short lived. At my first OB appointment my doctor performed an ultrasound and right away saw our sweet baby, but something else was there, too. She sent us to see maternal fetal medicine the next week so they could hopefully figure out what it was. That appointment was the turning point in my life; everything from that day on was an unknown. That was the day I first heard of a twin molar pregnancy.
We had a healthy baby and alongside it there was what they thought was a complete molar pregnancy, which is when an egg is fertilized, but instead of a normal, viable pregnancy resulting, the placenta develops into an abnormal mass of cysts. My situation was very rare since we had a viable baby along with a complete molar pregnancy.
A molar pregnancy creates many health risks to the mother and in a normal situation, the woman would have a D&C to get rid of the molar pregnancy. This is exactly what the doctors wanted me to do even though I had a healthy baby, too.
That day was the first of many times I was told I needed to terminate my pregnancy.
And, while I had a loving husband and a beautiful 2 yr. old boy at home, terminating my pregnancy to save my own life was NEVER an option for me and yet abortion was recommended as my ONLY option. Every single doctor’s visit included a replay of the pain-staking conversation about all of the complications and risks of my baby not surviving, but also potentially losing my own life to the danger growing inside me.
While I’ve always had my faith, I wasn’t one to bring people into my world and ask them for prayer or help. However, I found myself talking more with God, praying each day and night to keep me safe and keep the baby safe. I felt a strong, quiet resolve that my decision to have my baby was the ONLY option. After all, who am I to end her life to save my own?
I felt a strong, quiet resolve that my decision to have my baby was the ONLY option.
I had weekly doctor appointments, lots of different tests and ultrasounds. I loved watching the ultrasound scans and treasured the images they gave me of my growing baby. The medical team said I had to reach 24 weeks to make it to viability, and I truly didn’t know if I would beat the odds and ever get the chance to hold her.
One horrific and miraculous day that will be etched in my mind forever is when the doctor said a certain lab value registered way too high causing my life to be in immediate danger and we needed to have the D&C immediately. I remember sitting in the consultation room, looking through a veil of tears, knowing in my heart there was no way I could go through with it. The doctor tried to console me by offering that in my case this wouldn’t be considered an abortion.
I told him it felt like it to me and asked if I would be able to at least receive my baby’s body for a proper burial. He told me that wouldn’t be an option because the baby would come out in pieces; how awful is that!?
Well, with a life or death decision in progress, my mom’s prayer warriors were in full stride and God took over. The doctor drew the same labs for a second time and, miraculously, my values went down substantially enough to make the D&C no longer necessary. Prayers answered. Choosing life was still my choice.
I made it to 23 weeks when I was admitted to the hospital for observation. That was a very hard time for me health wise, but thank God I made it to 24 weeks and 5 days – 5 days past viability! As they wheeled me away and sedated me, I wasn’t sure what the outcome would be and I just prayed over and over, “God save me, God save my baby!”
I woke up not sure of what had ultimately taken place and was overwhelmed with joy to learn that our sweet baby girl was born, Elsie Eliana. (Eliana means “my God has answered.”) Weighing in at just 1 lb. 9 oz., she spent 5 months in the NICU fighting through a myriad of health concerns, but conquering each one.
Sadly, I, too, was not yet out of the woods. During her NICU stay, I was diagnosed with gestational trophoblastic disease, meaning the molar pregnancy had spread to my lungs. And, while the doctors were right about most of the health problems I would encounter, they had no idea the power I had on my side – faith and prayers can truly move mountains. My chemo treatments lasted fours months, leaving me in no immediate danger, and baby Elsie was home for Christmas.
I have my sweet Elsie and she is the happiest little girl. While I am still dealing with follow up treatment for myself, I know that all of this was worth it. Each day that I have the gift of looking into her eyes, I know how blessed I am.
God has a plan for us; every life is sacred.
“I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me. He freed me from all my fears.” PSALM 34:4
Editor’s Note: Original story shared on IAMUNTOLD.ORG – please visit the site to view the music video of UNTOLD, by Matthew West, along with other stories and resources. Story is reprinted here with permission.
