A woman is sharing how IVF “ruined” her life after she spent three years and $165,000 trying to have a baby.
Thirty-seven-year-old Katie Abdou said she has always wanted to be a single mother by choice, saying, “I was never interested in being in a relationship but I always wanted kids. It was a conscious decision to be single.”
At age 30, she considered adoption and foster care but ultimately decided those options were too expensive and challenging for a single woman. She also called adoption “exorbitantly expensive” and believes it to be “unethical.” She explained, “It felt icky to be buying someone else’ child because they couldn’t afford them. I looked into fostering but the rules were extremely strict.”
After ruling out those options, she attempted artifical insemination at home, which was unsuccessful. She was then encouraged to try IVF, but it was so expensive she had to sell her house and move back in with her parents in order to afford it. She then underwent five failed IVF transfers. At one point, she used her friend’s sperm and finally became pregnant, but tragically miscarried one baby a week later and another at 17 weeks.
“It feels like the death of a dream. I have spent so much money. I estimate it is $165k. IVF has ruined my life,” she said.
IVF can be dangerous
Though marketed as a quick fix for getting pregnant when struggling with infertility, many don’t know the health risks that are associated with the IVF process. As explained by the Mayo Clinic, “IVF raises the chances of certain health problems. From short term to longer term….” It lists “bleeding, infection or damage to the bowel, bladder or a blood vessel” as risks associated with egg retrieval in addition to overall IVF risks such as ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, premature delivery, and cancer. There are risks for children conceived through IVF as well.
Abdou stated that she had to go through PRP therapy as part of her IVF process, which is when the blood is taken from separate platelets and injected into the uterus. She said she suffered “blackouts” and “gained 50 pounds.” She also dealt with complications that caused the IVF to continue to fail, including chronic endometritis and a burst ovary that exploded following an egg retrieval and required emergency surgery.
READ: Adoption, IVF, and surrogacy: What pro-lifers need to know
Adoption is not ‘buying’ a child
Abdou claims she ruled out adoption because she didn’t want to ‘buy’ the child of someone who ‘couldn’t afford’ to keep their baby. But that’s not how adoption works. Children are not being bought in the adoption process — that would be illegal.
The cost of adoption ranges from $20,000 to $45,000, according to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, and that money goes towards legal fees, home studies, travel and lodging, court fees, and medical and living expenses for the birth parent. It is becoming more common to have open adoptions in which the birth parents maintain a relationship with their child and the child’s adoptive parents. Though the ideal for a child is to be raised by his married, biological parents, adoption seeks to heal the trauma of being separated from one’s birth parents by finding a safe and permanent home for the child.
She also said the cost of adoption was too high, which some Americans agree with. However, according to her own account of how much money she spent on IVF, adoption would have potentially cost just a third of what Abdou spent on IVF.
Abdou also dismissed foster care, not because of the cost (there is financial support from states to foster and adopt children through the foster care system) but because she felt the “rules were extremely strict.” It’s unclear exactly which rules she is referring to; however, rules are in place in order to protect children. While IVF and the fertility industry exist to give adults what they want, the foster care system and adoption agencies exist to find the best home for the child — and the adults who wish to adopt them must meet certain requirements.
In addition, Abdou felt foster care would be too “challenging” for a single mother. There is a stereotype that the children in foster care are more troublesome than other children. Children who have been removed from unsafe homes have likely suffered trauma, but with a new, safe home and loving parents through the foster care system, they can go on to lead happy lives, which is why it is important to make sure prospective adoptive parents have the right motivations and are safe.
IVF does not guarantee women, men, or couples a baby, and there are serious risks involved for everyone. Read more here for reasons why pro-lifers should opt for adoption over IVF.
