Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are solely those of the author.
I was an unplanned pregnancy. My birth mother was 16 years old when she became pregnant with me and 17 when she gave birth. Shortly after I was born, my parents adopted me into their conservative Christian home. From the moment they held me in their arms, they told me that I’m a gift from God as every child is. Because of my origin story, as it will, I’ve always been pro-life, as are my two sisters who were also unplanned pregnancies. I’ve always thought that adoptees would be the most pro-life people around but as I’ve discovered in the past few weeks, that’s disturbingly wrong.
Because of the leak of the Supreme Court draft opinion in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization indicating the overturning of Roe v. Wade, abortion debates are incredibly prevalent. I came across one tweet by man who testified about being conceived in rape and then adopted. Though some supported him, other people who claimed to be adoptees vocalized their opposition to this potential Supreme Court decision. They said that they’re happy to be adopted but they support “a woman’s right to choose.” This is so inconsistent as they’re grateful to be born but don’t support others being born. These aren’t the only examples.
When I heard about an essay by pro-abortion adoptee Elizabeth Spires in The New York Times, I thought that pro-abortion adoptees were a very niche idea, but this notion has spread — or has at least gone unnoticed. It needs to be addressed. Spires argued that abortion is better than adoption because the mother does not spend months bonding with the child only to be heartbroken when the child is placed with another family.
A social media presence named Diary of an Adoptee admitted on May 3 that she has had two abortions and in one tweet she said that adoption shouldn’t be promoted as an alternative to abortion. Many of her other tweets and posts echo similar points. The most concerning quote, however, comes from a comment on one of her Instagram posts replying to mine: “Most of us adoptees do not want to be born to mothers who would rather have had an abortion. We don’t want to be forced into this world, despite being unwanted. None of you want to hear this, but it actually doesn’t feel good to have to exist when no one actually wanted you here.” After I told her I’m a fellow adoptee, she replied by saying that I’m narcissistic for being happy that I’m alive.
No person should feel that they’re not wanted in the world — that they’re taking up space that they shouldn’t be.
Yes, adoption can be traumatic. I was adopted at birth, but this doesn’t mean I don’t have scars. My birth father committed suicide a year after I was born, and my birth mother rejected me after I connected with her when I was 18. I didn’t know my father’s birth family until I was in my 20s. I’ve laid awake at night running all the what-ifs through my head of a life that never was. But whether I was adopted or not, I was bound to suffer. Life contains suffering, but that doesn’t mean life isn’t worth living.
READ: Adoption, IVF, and surrogacy: What pro-lifers need to know
What does this say about our culture that we’ve encouraged unplanned children to hate themselves? This culture of death has also become one of self-hatred where human lives don’t have inherent value and where they can be sacrificed on the pillar of environmentalism or even assisted to take their own lives. I know not all adopted parents were loving like mine. I know some children can be placed into a flawed foster care system that is in need of reform, but that’s only if the parenting skills are in question, not if the child is placed for adoption. Either way, life is still worth living.
Ultimately, my heart breaks for these people. However viciously they’ve acted, it’s because they’re covering up deep pain due to their decisions to have abortions or because of how their parents treated them. But in the end, I believe these pro-choice adoptees have been so blinded by this culture of self-hatred that they no longer see the beautiful and unique value that exists in themselves. As a pro-life community, we need to show kindness to these people, no matter how unkind they are to us.
If you’re an adoptee reading this, I want you to know you are loved and have value and the world wouldn’t be the same without you. You are not taking up space. You were meant to be here. Your existence is precious. There is an amazing purpose for your life, and you just have to go after it. As a fellow adoptee, I know adoption hurts. I know it’s hard when no one can say you look or act like your parents. I know the burning question: “What would be my life if my mother kept me?” There are so many people out there who understand your pain and I want you to know you’re not alone.
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