The most recent video in Live Action’s “The Truth About Sex” series explored the magic of monogamy in marriage, and how it leads to a more stable culture. Married couples are happier, live longer, are more financially prosperous, and provide a stable foundation upon which to raise children.
In a companion interview, Live Action founder and president Lila Rose talks about marriage with Professor Brad Wilcox, who teaches sociology and is the director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. He’s also the author of “Get Married: Why Americans Should Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families and Save Civilization,” and has also contributed to scientific journals like The American Sociological Review and The Journal of Marriage and Family.
“I was raised by a single mom in the 70s,” Wilcox began. “And as I kind of look back on that time of life, the vast majority of my friends grew up in homes with divorced parents. And so that’s… part of my life growing up, kind of being exposed to a lot of family instability.”
Wilcox continued, “And then as I got older and kind of moved into college at the University of Virginia, I kind of was sort of realizing that, in terms of connecting men to their families, that marriage is pretty important. But if we want to… build a world where more kids are being raised by their own fathers, we need to think about, kind of, how do we… strengthen marriage. And so that was kind of the genesis of my interest in this topic… you know, having this childhood experience… not having a father in the picture.”
The best place to have a child
As Wilcox pointed out, the majority of women who undergo abortions are not married.
“What we see… in the research is that the primary alternative to abortion is marriage, right, and so when people kind of feel secure, when they trust their spouse, when they feel like they’re in a good place, they’re much more likely to… welcome life into their lives,” he explained. “And so, you know, a decent marriage, a good marriage, is obviously the best place to have a child.”
Fortunately, the instability so frequently seen in the 1970s and 1980s has begun to fall; there are actually increasing numbers of children being raised in married families; according to Wilcox, this is because divorce rates have fallen, and the number of out-of-wedlock births has leveled since 2009. But that doesn’t mean everything is trending positively.
A better predictor of happiness
“Marriage has become a lot more selective,” he said. “That means it’s become much more of [an] almost even elite kind of thing, a luxury good, as some people would describe it, right? So marriage has fallen by about 65% since 1970, when I was born. And it’s become increasingly… the place where more educated, more affluent, and also more religious, Americans are kind of parking their serious relationships in their family life.”
This was described as the “Midas touch” type of American, who have the goal of maximizing all potential achievements before deciding to settle down and have a family. “What is the prescription to temper that, to put family first?” Rose asked.
“Education, work, and money matter, that’s a correct assumption,” Wilcox answered. “What I think people don’t appreciate is that marriage, particularly a good marriage, is a better predictor of happiness. So what I find is that reporting that you’re happily married, in this survey, blows every other variable out of the water.”
So while a variety of factors predict human happiness — health, sex, religious attendance, education, money, and more — the single most important factor is marriage. So the mindset young adults often have, to focus obsessively on education and career before marriage, is mistaken.
Wilcox further noted that part of the problem is that young adults are often discouraged from getting married by their parents, even those who are religious. “What I’m saying to my students, and to 20-somethings more generally, is, ‘Look, if you meet a great person, you should not cross them off the list,'” he said. “You should get to know them. You should see if there’s the basis for a strong friendship. And if there is, and if there’s an attraction there, you should kind of pursue that. There’s no reason you can’t get married at age 23, or 25, or 27.”
Nothing brings more meaning
Rose and Wilcox also discussed the demographic issues around the globe, with fertility rates plummeting. Wilcox explained that chasing financial success leads to postponing marriage, which therefore postpones childbearing, so even if couples want large families, by getting married so late, they aren’t able to have as many children. Financial issues are also discouraging couples from having children, he said.
“There is a sense of anxiety. There is a sense that the world is a difficult place,” he said, but added, “What I think people don’t appreciate is that for most of us, there is nothing that brings our lives more meaning than having a child.”
