Joseph Cartagena, a rapper known by his stage name “Fat Joe,” has spoken about his life raising a child with dual diagnoses of autism and Down syndrome, after his son’s mother abandoned them.
Fat Joe has been married to his wife, Lorena, since 1995, and they have one child together: a daughter, Azariah, who is now a teenager. But he has two other children from previous relationships, including Joey, who has Down syndrome and autism. In a recent appearance on the podcast “Club Shay Shay” with host Shannon Sharpe, he talked about how Joey’s mother abandoned them when the doctors announced he had Down syndrome.
“When he’s born, the doctor tells us, ‘Hey I got bad news to tell you, shows us his hands, his feet, said he got Down syndrome,” he recalled. “He’s going to be a big challenge. I’m there with my mother, my father, and his mother, and his mother was like, ‘Yo, I can’t do this. I’m going to have to give him up for adoption.’ And my mother was like, ‘You crazy b—-!’ Like, you ain’t giving up my – and so, we raised him.”
After that, Fat Joe said he never saw Joey’s mother again.
“She never visited again,” he said, adding, “She abandoned a kid. Yeah. And so we raised him by ourselves. He don’t know no other family. It’s not because we didn’t allow that; his mom’s just, she’s crazy … she has never seen him again. And it wasn’t like I kept the door closed where she couldn’t see her son. It was always available for her to see her son. But you know, we got wicked people out there, whether male or female. You know, it’s usually the other way around; baby come out Down syndrome, the man run the other way. You know? Shame on you.”
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The negative way the family was given the Down syndrome diagnosis is sadly not unusual; one survey, for example, found that doctors have been caught giving outdated, inaccurate information about disabilities, sometimes in a direct attempt to pressure parents into abortion. A campaign from the Down Syndrome Diagnosis Network also showed the common cruelty parents experience. Babies with Down syndrome were referred to as an “it” or a “vegetable,” or doctors said they would be better off dead.
Heather Bradley, a member of the Board of Directors and former president of DSDN, spoke to a maternal-fetal medicine (MFM) specialist from Wisconsin at an American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists District meeting in Wisconsin. “[H]e said that delivering a Down syndrome diagnosis was like giving someone a ‘crap sandwich,’” she wrote on Facebook. “When a new or expectant parent is just told the news their baby has Down syndrome and the first words are ‘I’m so sorry’ or ‘When should I schedule the termination?’, what is that physician saying about their CHILD? It most definitely tells them that their child IS a ‘crap sandwich.’”
Yet Fat Joe said that abandoning Joey was never an option for him, and that he doesn’t know how to not love his children. “[A] father’s got to be a father,” he continued. “I don’t know how to be a fake father. I don’t know how to be a fake father. So I got to take care of my kids regardless and do everything I can for them. I don’t know how to give up on my kids. I don’t know how to not love on my kids. That’s impossible.”
And though Fat Joe said Joey has had challenges, he explained that he’s still led a happy, fulfilling life. “This guy’s happy,” he said. “I swear to God, he’s always happy. He’s never sad. He’s like, if you’re stuck in a place, he’s stuck in happiness.” He also joked that his son was the “don” of their family.
“He’s happy. He does what he wants. He gets what he wants. He’s the Don,” he said. “When we all meet as family — I got another son, I got my daughter that’s younger than him — he sits at the end of the table, he knows ‘Oh, those are my little brothers and sisters, you know, I’m the Don.”
Ultimately, Fat Joe pointed out that everyone has obstacles in their lives, and Joey is no different – and that Joey is his “biggest blessing.” He concluded, “Everyone’s got challenges, it’s hard, but you can’t give up on your kids. I believe – we believe – he’s our biggest blessing. Because we treat him the way we do, we never gave up on him, this is why we get blessed.
